Easier Said Than Done
by DrKCooper
Summary: The evolution of Jane and Jacqueline's relationship. What is it and can it work? Rating to change in later chapters.Each chapter based loosely on an individual igger warning for chapter 3.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All recognizable _The Bold Type_ characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners including, but not limited to Freeform. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fan fiction story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No financial gain is associated with the publishing of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's note: Two things: 1) Each chapter of this story will be loosely inspired or framed to fit a particular song. I'll leave the name of the song at the end of each chapter. It's not necessary you know the song or even listen to it. Just wanted you to know where I'm getting my ideas for this. 2) I don't generally give trigger warnings, but there will be one in a future chapter. It won't prevent you from enjoying the rest of the chapters, I assure you. Additionally, if you have an issue with adultery, this won't be for you. -_dkc_

**Easier Said Than Done**

"Should we assign an app to each writer and assistant?" the tall, blonde editor stood with her hand on her hip.

The writing and social media teams were having their first meeting for the latest edition of _Scarlet_ magazine. Conducting the meeting from her usual spot at the head of the table, Jacqueline Carlyle seemed pleased by the edition's theme—dating apps.

"Do we have enough people? And should be consider relationship status? There's also the matter of—"

"Sexuality and kinks," Alex cut off Sage earning him a dagger.

"You guys will have to give me the rundown of the most popular apps for your generation. We did things the old-fashioned way when I was dating,"

Jacqueline's eyes met Jane's and there was a mischievous twitch at the corner of the older woman's mouth. Jane quickly looked down at her notes. She wasn't accustomed to the feelings she was experiencing when her boss so much as looked at her.

"The obvious ones: Tinder, Grindr, Bumble. The pay-to-play apps eHarmony, Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish," Sage rattled off.

"Let's eliminate those last four right off the bat—too many folks looking for long-term relationships and marriage. We're talking about casual dating and sex."

Jane found herself wondering what Jacqueline knew about hookup apps and casual sex. She had been married for the last twenty years. Surely she had never used the apps. Now the thought of Jacqueline and casual sex wouldn't go away. It was tormenting Jane.

"What about the more _specialized_ apps?" the tone utilized by the editor-in-chief caused Jane to shift in her seat. She had never before been uncomfortable talking about dating or hookup apps. Jacqueline seemed to cause this anytime the two of them were in a room and sex was the topic.

"Scruff," Andrew contributed and all eyes were immediately on the assistant who never said a word in these meetings as he waited to follow Jacqueline to wherever she was needed next. The response made him snippy. "What?"

"Others?" Andrew's boss tried to help him out by changing the focus.

"Growlr," Sage said with a naughty smirk.

"Raya, LGBTCutie, Lulu, Coffee Meets Bagel, Happn, Datch." Lauren added.

"Datch is now HER," Jane contributed, earning her a blue-eyed stare.

"That's a fairly good list though I'm not sure how some of them fit into our narrative, but—"

Jane cut Jacqueline off and rendered the blonde speechless.

"Scissr."

Doing everything to avoid eye contact with the woman adjacent to her, Jane looked to the back wall and saw Kat with a shit-eating grin on her face. Jane shook her head and rolled her eyes. Many a drunken conversation had been had with Kat about Jane's interest in women. After hot sex with Ryan and true companionship with Ben, the world had been tipped on its axis for Jane. A certain app and a few nights out with Kat introduced her to pleasures she had no idea existed. She was pulled back to the situation when Jacqueline spoke, her voice exhibiting a slight tremor.

"Let's go with Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, Growlr, Scissr, Scruff and…" she cleared her throat. "HER."

There was a futile battle for the writer who didn't think she should dare look at the tall drink of water that was her boss.

"Now, I need to give you a short speech for the sake of legal. None of you are under any obligation to reveal your sexual orientation for the purpose of this magazine. You do not have to participate and no reason need be given if you opt out. If you choose to participate and end up having an experience you do not want to share, that's okay, too. I am not asking you to kiss and tell and I'm certainly not telling you to have casual sex, though I believe you all know where I stand on that."

There it was again. Jane's mind was right back to thinking about Jacqueline and casual sex. She was feeling so anxious that she was nauseous.

"I'll take Tinder. I'm an aficionado," Alex volunteered, adjusting his tie as if to prove his handsomeness.

Mumbling almost inaudibly, Andrew said he would take Scruff if they needed him to. Of everyone in the room he was the one person who could get out of participating at all. He wasn't a part of either team. But nobody argued.

"I could possibly take HER." Jane's halting speech and the implication of her pick caused the boss to get a tongue-tied.

"I didn't realize you were…single, Jane," Jacqueline's voice, opposite of Jane's, was high and inquiring. And 'single' wasn't the word she was actually thinking.

Knowing she did not have to reveal anything to her boss or colleagues, Jane shrugged.

"I will give Grindr a try," one of Kat's social media assistants said. Jane hadn't seen that Kat had elbowed the assistant to bail her friend out. Jacqueline welcomed the distraction as terribly ill advised thoughts of Jane's relationship status and sexual interests were floating around in her head.

Considering which apps remained and accepting a few volunteers, Jacqueline looked to the back of the room and found Kat shaking her head adamantly.

"Scissr, Kat?"

Kat momentarily panicked wondering if everyone in the room knew her sexual orientation and that she had broken up with Adena. Kat could be awfully bashful. She finally nodded. She needed to get back on the horse.

_Dammit_, Jacqueline thought. She hadn't thought through what asking Kat might reveal. She prayed she hadn't outed her to anyone in the room.

Jane looked to the back of the conference room. She smiled at Kat who playfully glared at her.

"Alright, best of luck out there in the dating world. Note the various issues you have with the apps. If you'd like to report on the date itself you are welcome to, but what happens on Tinder stays on Tinder. Your privacy should not be compromised for _Scarlet_. It goes without saying to be careful. Practice safe sex if it gets there. Now that I've sounded like your mother, I will be sitting in my office mortified," Jacqueline made the room laugh.

Gathering her things, the blonde glanced beside her and she saw an alarmed expression on Jane's face. Boy, she had questions, but Jane's personal life, however intriguing, was none of Jacqueline's business. This fact would need shoring up throughout the week.

The editor-in-chief proceeded to her office. She wished it were later in the day and she could have a stiff drink.

…

Realizing how late it was and that most of her coworkers had gone home, Jane began gathering her things and started to shut down her desktop. Jacqueline's light was on, but there was no sign of her. _Probably for the better_, Jane thought.

"Jane, there you are! I looked for you earlier. Can I get an outline?" Jacqueline approached the brunette's desk out of nowhere, leaning on the edge, crossing her arms as she often did.

"An outline?" Jane stuttered.

"Yes, your piece for the magazine you write for?" Jacqueline's caustic sarcasm was one of her greatest weapons.

"Well, I'm not sure if it should be one date or two. I mean, a stand-alone piece for each date would need additional print space. Comparing the dates would be a bit hard, but unique. I mean I wouldn't be saying which date was better and I wouldn't be comparing hetero sex to gay sex or you know which I—"

Jacqueline mercifully cut Jane off. The blonde had an uncanny knack for causing the girl to become scattered. And when scattered, Jane got herself in trouble with her mouth.

"What would you prefer? Which would be effortless?" Jacqueline asked.

_Oh. My. God. Please tell me she isn't asking me if I prefer hetero sex or gay sex? How did I walk right into this? _Jane continued to spin out in her head.

The writer turned a deep shade of red and it was then that the editor-in-chief realized that her question had been misunderstood. She strictly wanted to know if Jane preferred a stand-alone piece for each date. She wasn't asking Jane to compare sexual encounters.

"Let's start from the beginning, shall we?"

Jane took a breath.

"You are not obligated to go on two dates. It is creative, though. Either writing one piece about each date or comparing the dates utilizing the same app is an acceptable route. Two shorter pieces with an individual focus on each umm…person or," she badly wanted to say women, but she thought that might be presumptuous and could potentially open a can of worms, "we'll find space for a longer piece."

Jane appreciated that Jacqueline was always gentle in her approach to sensitive topics. She also needed someone to tell her to shut up from time to time.

"Will do," Jane looked ahead at her monitor hoping they were done. Jacqueline didn't take the hint.

"Have you lined up any dates?" Jacqueline wondered aloud.

"I…" the young woman was flummoxed. "There are a couple of…yes. Possibly tonight."

The editor-in-chief had been caught flat-footed. She hadn't considered how she might respond to this information. It was Jane who was adorable when panicked; Jacqueline felt foolish when she panicked.

"Ah, okay, I hope they yield fruitful results for the purposes of your article."

_Was Jacqueline smirking?_ Jane's mind was full of questions. All Jane could do was nod. She had been rendered mute.

"Oh, Jane?" she said before walking away. "Enjoy yourself."

_Was Jacqueline biting her lip?_ Jane thought, her heart racing. _Smirking and biting her lip? Was the boss taking an active interest in her sex life?_

"Wait!" her legs were moving before her brain could catch up. She got to Jacqueline just as the blonde had reached her office door.

"What if it's too weird for me to, you know?" she looked at Jacqueline and then at the floor.

"Too weird to go on a date with a woman? You didn't have to choose the app you did, Jane."

Jane dragged her eyes all the way up her editor's body. If that act in and of itself didn't render her attraction to women indisputable, nothing would. It was when she reached familiar blue eyes that she cobbled together what she wanted to say.

"No, not that. What if it is too weird to go out with a woman or, you know, hook up with her and then have to write about it for _you_?" she said.

"You write for me all the time; that's kind of how this works," Jacqueline furrowed her brow and looked for any explanation that might manifest itself on Jane's face.

"I don't write for you about my experiences with…women," Jane croaked.

Comprehension was beginning for the older woman and her ears were buzzing. Jane was uncomfortable with her experiences with women being for Jacqueline's consumption. There was a distinction being made between Jane's previous stories about her exes and the men she was dating or hooking up with and encounters of the same-sex variety.

"Oh," Jacqueline gulped.

"Yeah," the brunette fidgeted with her hands.

"Would you be more comfortable writing about it if sex were off the table?" Jacqueline's face had softened. She didn't want to contribute to Jane's distress.

"I—" Jane rolled her eyes. "This is absurd."

"It's not absurd to be uncomfortable writing about sex, Jane. However, we do a lot of writing about sex at _Scarlet_."

"That's not what I meant."

"And what did you mean?"

"I meant it's absurd that I'm squeamish about you reading about my having sex with another woman."

"_Another_ woman?" the trademark Jacqueline Carlyle look was doing its damage.

"God, I'm an idiot…"

"Jane." Jacqueline grasped the brunette's bicep. "If its any consolation, I'm not sure how comfortable _I_ am reading about _you_ having sex with a woman, or a man, but definitely a woman."

Jane's stomach rose to her throat. She was trying desperately to not read between the lines of what was being said, but between the lines were flashing neon signs.

"What's the solution?" her desire for the older woman had arrived at the worst time.

"What if we took me out of the equation entirely?" Jacqueline felt a loss as she said it, but she knew she was doing the professional thing. "Lauren can edit it and approve it for publication. It will never cross my desk."

"Until you read it in print," Jane blurted out.

The writer didn't panic despite feeling the shift of energy. The thought of Jacqueline reading Jane's piece in private didn't cause panic. She didn't even panic when she sensed them leaning closer. Jacqueline licked her upper lip; Jane did everything she could to not make a sound. No, she was not panicking. She wanted this.

"Here are the layouts, Jacqueline, darling," Oliver's voice ripped Jane right out of the moment. _Where the hell did he come from_? she fumed. She felt her own sense of loss as she noticed the way Jacqueline retracted her hand and took a step away,

"Come on in, Oliver," she opened the door.

Jane looked at the floor, smiled at Oliver as he walked by her and turned toward her desk.

"Goodnight, Jane," the tone in that beautifully controlled voice made her feel things she had no idea what to do with.

…

"This girl seriously just said 'my heart is a hungry animal'!" Jane groaned and banged her head down on the table.

She opted for spending time in a noisy bar with Sutton and Kat when she left the office instead of meeting up with either of the women she had been in contact with since the dating app assignment that morning.

"Wow, lesbians are on a different plane, aren't they? Guys send a dick pic and assume that's enough foreplay," Sutton said.

Kat rolled her eyes. She hadn't touched an app since the morning meeting and had remained entirely against the idea. She missed Adena. She missed sex with Adena. The women she had hooked up with while they were in their open relationship phase meant nothing and the entire ordeal was weird. She'd had one hookup since the breakup, but swore off doing that again until she had given herself time to get over Adena.

"I'm kind of jealous I didn't get to participate in this assignment. I can swipe right with the best of them," Sutton wiggled her eyebrows.

"You are ridiculous," Kat kissed Sutton on the cheek after she'd said it.

"This whole thing is convoluted," Jane whined. "It's like Jacqueline wants to know about our sex lives. And no matter how this falls out, our names are on the bylines."

"Honey, you wrote about your first orgasm for Jacqueline, I think you can handle this."

Jane's face went red at the reminder. Since she had started having these inexplicable feelings about her boss, she had felt humiliated about that piece.

"I don't know what it is…" Jane said and that sent up flares that both friends read immediately to mean something was definitely up.

"What _what_ is?" Sutton was prepared to pry the information out of Jane.

And that's when Jane spilled. Everything that had happened at the office before she left was replayed in torturous detail.

"Are you out of your mind?" Kat's voice nearly rose above the hubbub in the bar.

"Don't mess with me," she tried to break the tension, but she saw the look on Sutton's face and realized that Kat wasn't joking. "Are you serious?"

"You've acted impulsively before, but this is in another league."

Sipping her drink through the stirring straw, Jane fought back a cacophony of feelings.

"She is our boss, Jane," Kat was going to state her piece. "She is our married boss."

"And straight," Sutton unhelpfully added.

"What's your plan? Are you going to sneak around making out in the fashion closet? Go behind her husband's back? While she plays ice queen in the presence of others?" Kat regretted the final sentence the second it was out of her mouth.

"That's not fair!" Jane slammed her glass on the table.

"She relived her trauma on the page for you, she became the #metoo story of the month, you guys won an award," Kat pointed out.

"I know that, Kat. I know how hard that was. But the attention has died down." Jane signaled for another drink before looking again at Kat. "She would never take advantage of me and I would never move unless I knew for certain that what I am interpreting is interest."

"You don't get it, Jane. It doesn't matter how long it has been since she garnered attention for telling her story. She is still your superior. She will be viewed like all those men who get involved with a much younger employee. Word will get around. Don't think just because you are women it changes the calculus. Not to mention what would happen to her marriage."

"It does, though! You are totally overreacting."

"Hey, girls, come on," Sutton put out a hand to each of them to no avail. "Let's not ruin our night."

"It's not an overreaction to want you to stop this silliness before it backfires in your face. Jacqueline Carlyle eats people of your standing for breakfast."

Abruptly standing, Jane grabbed her scarf and walked out of the bar.

"Come on," Kat put a finger to each temple and squeezed her eyes shut. "She couldn't possibly have thought we would be happy about this, right?"

Sutton decided against saying what she was thinking.

"You could have done without the ice queen bit."

_To be continued_…

[Inspiration is "Swipe" by Miracles of Modern Science feat. Kristin Slipp]


	2. Chapter 2

"Department heads in 5," Jacqueline glided through the office, stopping only momentarily to approve a draft handed to her by Lauren.

Jane looked at Kat across the room and felt nauseous. They had had their disagreements, but this felt much bigger. Sutton told her to give it time. She was struggling to believe this would blow over. She was also thinking better of spending one-on-one time with Jacqueline. But she couldn't get Jacqueline out of her head.

The usual staff filed off to the conference room. Jane watched Kat's curly hair disappear into the room and before looking away she was met by the blue-eyed gaze of the editor-in-chief before she closed the door behind her. If she fought against it, every look like that from Jacqueline would let the blonde right back in.

_Fashion closet?_ she texted Sutton.

It didn't take long for the strawberry blonde to arrive, linking arms with Jane as they disappeared to the their real office.

"Sut, I don't know how to fix this," she whined. "She is really angry."

"Babe, she will cool off and it will be okay."

Jane placed her head on her best friend's shoulder.

"I don't know how to feel anything other than what I feel," the brunette whispered, a tear escaping. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"If anyone knows that, it's me, Tiny Jane."

Sutton's phone buzzed multiple times.

"Ugh, Oliver needs me. Meeting can't possibly be out," she stood, frantically running back from the door to kiss Jane on the head and then off she went.

Jane wiped the tears from her cheeks, took a deep breath and prepared herself to face the continued silence from Kat.

...

"Jane? Can I steal you for a minute?" Jacqueline was nearing her desk and with each step closer Jane felt just how much Jacqueline got under her skin.

_Why was the meeting out already?_ she wondered. _Why does she want to talk to me?_

"Yes, of course," she stood and moved in the direction of the glass-enclosed office only to be redirected to the elevator.

The two women were in the elevator with the doors closing when Jane saw the blonde ball her fists, release them and ball them again. Neither spoke until they reached the top floor and stepped out. The silence was deafening.

"I didn't want anyone to overhear," Jacqueline said, opening the door for roof access and beckoning Jane to the private space.

"What's going on?" Jane couldn't hide her concern any longer.

"Do you know why Kat blew up at me in our morning meeting?" the editor had turned and appeared to be angry.

"She—?"

"Yes, in front of the department heads. It was very unlike Kat and though I wasn't following her diatribe exactly, I suspect it had nothing to do with budget expectations or the forthcoming issue."

That sick feeling returned. Taking a seat at one of the bistro tables, she put her head in her hands as assumptions swirled around in her head. Jacqueline stepped forward and placed a hand between bony shoulder blades.

"Please," the admonition came from a strangled voice that matched a bristling body. Jacqueline's touch was the last thing she needed right now, however comforting it had come to be. A simple touch caused her to feel complicated things that she couldn't digest. If she allowed the touch, she allowed Jacqueline in.

"I like to think I am a perceptive, approachable boss, Jane, and I am thoroughly in the dark."

"It isn't the kind of boss you are that is the problem," Jane mumbled.

"And what is the problem?" she asked in a wavering voice.

"Dammit, Jacqueline! You have to know. You're brilliant, breathtakingly so. You're kind. And you are gorgeous. Is it really any wonder people fall at your feet?"

From her seated position, Jane had managed to say it all while maintaining eye contact, even as Jacqueline raised her eyebrows and pulled up a chair to sit directly in front of her. Once their knees were touching, the brunette could no longer look at her boss.

"Please don't look away," Jacqueline whispered, placing a hand on Jane's knee. "Jane."

Pale blue eyes had an unreadable stormy appearance. When those eyes latched onto her, she could put out of her mind the disapproval of her best friend and presumably other people in her life who would react much the same way.

"We're not talking about 'people' now, are we?"

"No."

"And if the kind of boss I am is not a problem, that leaves the kind of woman I am."

Jane shook her head in frustration; her eyes clouded with totally inadvertent tears.

"There is nothing wrong with the woman you are. Far from it," Jane's cheeks colored as she bit her lip. Whatever professional red lights existed between them, she was about to blow through them all.

Chuckling at the blind admiration of one Jane Sloan, Jacqueline rolled her eyes. She had plenty of faults, but it was endearing that Jane claimed to see none of them.

"But there's obviously something I am missing or Kat wouldn't have accused me of misplaced priorities and, I quote, 'giving too much attention to writers.'"

"She didn't!" Jane's jaw dropped. "Oh, my god, Jacqueline, I am so sorry."

"Be frank with me, Jane. I hope you know by now that you can confide in me. What was said to Kat? How can I fix this?"

Jacqueline now held both of Jane's hands and her position leaning forward offered a view of cleavage that was making it very difficult for the writer to focus. She knew she'd been caught looking and she didn't even care. The blonde made her bad and she liked it.

"Last night after work we were at a bar and, after having several drinks, I confidently and obviously foolishly announced that I—" she swallowed hard. "I have a thing for you. I mean, I know it's out of line. But that's what was said."

Laughter was not the reaction Jane was going for. It left her teetering between tears and wanting to run far, far away.

"Kat is mad because you said you have a thing for me?" Jacqueline wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "She really needs to learn to take drunken confessions at face value."

Jane's face had turned dark and despondent. She couldn't possibly have misread the moment they'd had in Jacqueline's office doorway the night before, could she?

"That's not all," the brunette's voice was flat and her eyes lost contact again. "I told her that I had wanted to kiss you at work, we were interrupted by Oliver, but if given another opportunity I might do more than kiss you."

Every imaginable fantasy hit Jacqueline Carlyle at once. She had to fight against it. No wonder Kat was livid. What she had thought felt like flirting actually was and shouldn't have been chalked up to a young woman's admiration for her superior. And if it was flirting then what she had been feeling for months about her star reporter was not unrequited. For a brief moment Jacqueline's world turned upside down.

Jacqueline remembered Oliver interrupting them very clearly. For a split second they had existed in a world far from their own reality. She was out of her mind.

"I know that you are a wife and mother, my senior by a number of years and my employer. Nothing is going to happen. It was boastful. Drunken, like you said. Kat overreacted. I'm sorry that our crap ended up in the conference room derailing your meeting," Jane hadn't realized that her hands were still enveloped in Jacqueline's until she felt the twitch and then release.

Letting out a breath at the loss, Jane prepared herself for the end of the conversation only to be taken aback when those perfectly soft hands came to her face.

"Jane..." she, too, released an oversized breath. "I didn't realize you were serious. I thought it was innocent banter."

"I know; it was wrong of me to—"

"Could you let me talk?" Jacqueline cut her off and smiled at the faux insult on Jane's face. This girl made her feel bad and she liked that about her. "I thought you were harmlessly bantering with me. I did not say that I was harmlessly bantering with you. I've tried to catch myself. God knows I've punished myself with extra miles on the treadmill and longer hours at the office to ward off inappropriate behavior. I thought I was behaving badly, that I was out of line imagining something that wasn't there when you told me you were uncomfortable writing _for me_ about hooking up with a woman."

"You?" Jane's cheeks burned where hands still held them. Jacqueline felt it, too.

"Maybe I can talk to Kat," she said. "Or, if you'd rather, we can drop it and forget this conversation ever happened."

"No!" she squeaked. "I don't want to drop this. I don't know what to do with it, but dropping it is not an option."

Taking shallow breaths, Jane couldn't stand much more of Jacqueline's touch. Her heartbeat hammered in her ears, her skin burned where those hands were. She tried to make heads or tails of this entire situation. Jacqueline was admitting to flirting. She hasn't said anything beyond that despite Jane's admission that she had a thing for Jacqueline. Taking the hands from her cheeks, she moved them to her lap. She saw dejection in those flawless features.

_Fuck it_, Jane thought. _I've been a good girl long enough_.

When lips met Jacqueline's the older woman yelped. Given the myriad directions this conversation had gone, she hadn't seen the kiss coming. And she never would have predicted a kiss of this magnitude. Glad to be sitting, Jacqueline actually felt weak-kneed.

"Oh," she sighed, eyes wide when their mouths parted.

"Oh?" Jane's insecurities surfaced.

"Oh, I'd like to do that again?" the blonde smirked.

"Umm...not to be a buzzkill, but this is only going to piss Kat off more. Round two is coming of her reminding me for the umpteenth time that you are my boss, my married boss."

"Let me talk to Kat, okay?" Jacqueline was leaning ever closer and she held hazel eyes in her web. "Being both the boss and married is something you and I can talk about later."

"And?" Jane felt like something else was coming.

Jacqueline let her actions do the talking. Connecting their lips again, she managed to assuage Jane's fears and leave her wanting more. It was an electric kiss that turned sensual and promised more.

"Next time you are in the mood to drunkenly confess things, give me a call. I can be a captive audience," Jacqueline flirted.

Jane's heart soared and she was going out of her mind.

...

"Excuse me, no offense Sutton, where was this when Sutton first started hooking up with Richard?" Jane was arguing with Kat in the fashion closet while Sutton helplessly looked on.

"None taken," Sutton could only assume where this was going.

"She came to us and said she met this guy and he was wonderful. As a lawyer for the board he was a superior. He wasn't her direct superior. And the consequences weren't catastrophic, despite the fact that they could have been." Kat seemed to be gearing up for more castigating. "But his looks and charm were a selling point. Besides, they had an equal amount to lose."

"Wait," Sutton inserted herself in their verbal battle. "I made the move on Richard. I put it on the line. I could have been collateral damage. That's the thing about superiors, when it comes down to it they are far more valuable to an organization. It's actually rather simple."

"Nothing is ever simple and you're delusional if you think so," Kat bit.

Standing in anger, Sutton stormed out of the fashion closet.

"Sut!" Kat trailed after her, leaving Jane in tears on the ottoman.

The door swung open a minute later and Jane snapped: "Get out!"

"I don't believe you get to order me to do anything," the recognizable voice said.

"I apologize," Jane stammered looking up in embarrassment. "I was expecting, well, not you."

"I can come back," Jacqueline considerately offered.

There in that small space the sound of Jane bursting into tears was only partially absorbed by all the hanging clothing.

"Oh, Jane," crossing the distance in two long strides, the blonde sat and put an arm around the terribly brokenhearted woman. Jane seemed smaller than her usual petite size. "What can I do?"

"Kat firmly believes that you're going to be viewed in a different light, that your reputation will suffer. She and Sutton think I'll be collateral damage. Maybe they aren't wrong."

"Jane, for once get out of your beautiful head," Jacqueline said. "We're going to be just fine."

"And Kat?" Jane worried her lip.

"I'm going talk to her."

Pulling Jane into her side and kissing her chin, Jacqueline stood.

"Now lets get back to work," she said holding out a hand that Jane readily took. "It was a kiss, Jane. We'll figure it out."

"I distinctly remember two kisses," Jane countered.

"Back to work!"

And with easiness, Jacqueline swatted Jane on the ass.

...

"Kat? A minute?" Jacqueline walked past the girl and into her office. Kat followed.

"Jacqueline, if this is about my outburst in the meeting, I'm sorry. I should not have disrespected you or cost my colleagues the remainder of the meeting."

"You do owe me an apology," then Jacqueline walked around her desk.

"It was wrong of me. It will never happen again."

"Good. Sit."

Kat's anxiety grew because the apology wasn't exactly accepted and only two words were spoken as acknowledgment (technically one).

"That isn't why I wanted to talk to you."

Kat nodded in understanding.

"I obviously know what the outburst was about. And I want to address your concerns."

"Jane." One word was all that was needed.

"I know you two have had a rocky few days and I know my name has been invoked in those arguments. You and I need to hash this out because it isn't going away. Can we try to see eye to eye on this?" Jacqueline's voice was calm and earnest.

_Take a deep breath_, Kat told herself.

"Jacqueline, that really isn't necessary, I was—"

"Jane is your best friend, is she not?"

Kat nodded.

"And you care about her."

"Deeply."

"So do I, Kat," Jacqueline leaned forward, the sincerity in her voice palpable.

Kat sighed.

"I know you have concerns, legitimate ones. What can I say that might help?" the blonde's question left Kat dumbfounded. She never thought she'd be talking to Jacqueline about this. "I'm beginning to understand how Jane feels. Honestly, she came to grips with this long before I did. I'm behind the eight-ball."

"With all due respect, my view of this isn't going to change. You are her boss. You are her married boss. You are her married, straight boss. Jane hasn't been a writer for even six months. This is all she has ever wanted and she could lose it all. And you? Your reputation has been untouchable. Do you want to risk that? You are under immense pressure right now. Do you want that to increase?" Kat spoke without her trademark wit, but maintained her confidence in support of what mattered to her.

Outside the bullpen Jane got up and went to the break room to avoid continuous glances at the office where her friend sat with their boss. Jacqueline noticed her exit.

"Kat, let me be clear about this: I would never intentionally hurt Jane and I would never forgive myself if I unintentionally hurt her. I have and will continue to do everything in my power to protect her career and nurture it. She has great friends who do the same. It was Jane who admitted her feelings. I did not force it or take advantage of her," Jacqueline sighed. "Hell, as painful as it was for me I even gave her the opportunity to back out, to forget that the conversation had ever happened."

This was news to Kat. It began to sink in how much her friend's feelings were reciprocated.

"I don't want your name dragged through the mud. I fear a scandal. It would be a hit to _Scarlet_ and whatever is happening between the two of you might not weather it."

"Kat," Jacqueline placed a hand over the fidgeting left hand nearest her. "If there is a scandal, I will own it. I feel like I can say this to you because of our history," she was referring to having had to bail Kat out of jail. "It is nobody's fucking business what I do in my personal life. My sexuality isn't. My marriage isn't. And if it all blows up in my face I hope I can rely on you for the social media fallout for _Scarlet_ and, more importantly, to support Jane."

"Jacqueline, I'm only going to say this once because I feel obligated to. I understand that you feel something. You can put an end to it. Only you can put an end to it, Jane won't," Kat was gruff.

"How do you think she would feel if she knew you'd asked me to stop this, much less if I actually shut her out and ignored how I feel? I can't imagine that would be a positive for your friendship. She wants to be happy," Jacqueline was pointed and unmoving.

Kat seemed to take this like a punch to the gut. She hadn't truly considered what she could do to their friendship. It finally occurred to her that she received nothing but support from Jane when Adena first came into her life. She could easily have said it was crazy and that Kat was making a huge mistake.

"I don't want her to get hurt," Kat sighed.

"Kat, I'm not taking this lightly."

"Please don't. She's my family."

Nodding several times while seemingly lost in thought, Jacqueline had tears in her eyes.

Standing, Kat didn't know what to say or do.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked.

Looking at her employee and measuring her words, Jacqueline spoke despite a cracking voice: "Would you think less of me if I said I'm overwhelmed?"

"I'd think you actually might be human," Kat smiled.

"Let me ask you one more thing before you go," Jacqueline said, waiting for Kat to nod. "Do I need to talk to Sutton, too?"

"No, I'm apparently the hard ass."

Laughing, Jacqueline walked with Kat to the door.

"Thank you, Kat."

With Kat making her way to her desk, the editor scanned the bullpen and saw no evidence of Jane

...

_Talk with Kat went well._

Jane read the text multiple times. She had left the office and started walking. This was the first time she had stopped for more than a crosswalk. She now stood stock still staring at her phone.

_Where are you?_ read the second text.

Knowing Jacqueline was a naturally kind, concerned person, perhaps a bit touchy-feely, had been what Jane told herself when she wanted to push away the initial fact that she was drawn to her boss. It was unusual to receive that kindness and concern while also feeling it intimately.

_Midtown?_ she typed.

_Why?_

_I started walking and I ended up in midtown. _

Jane came across a coffee shop and stopped in. She ordered a latte while watching her phone for a response. Her phone continued to show that Jacqueline was typing something, but nothing materialized. Her coffee was ready before she finally got another text.

_Can I join you?_

An attempted smile graced the writer's face. She immediately dropped a pin in Google Maps.

It took twenty minutes, twenty minutes of butterflies, but Jacqueline arrived in style. Her pink suit stood out, of course, and the black camisole beneath was nearly bedroom-worthy. Jane had been caught once already looking at what that camisole revealed. She tried her best to keep her eyes up.

"Hello, Jane," Jacqueline greeted her with a lingering kiss on the cheek.

"Let me get you a coffee."

Jane stood and ordered what she knew her boss drank, waited for it while glancing subtly at the woman staring at her phone.

"Thank you," the blonde gave Jane the look she often used to make people talk. It was all knowing.

"I hadn't intended to walk out of work," she explained.

"I saw you leave and I understood why. Are you okay?" her hand reached over to touch Jane's hand as she asked.

"I think so. Tell me about Kat?"

"She apologized for the morning meeting. Neither of us pretended we didn't know what the real issue was. She's worried about you and was protective, understandably."

Jacqueline's eyes were blindingly blue in the sunlight of the coffee shop. As she contemplated how quickly blue was becoming her favorite color, the writer began to wonder if the rate in which she was falling into them was alarming. In any event, she couldn't fight it.

"Kat can be a real mama bear," Jane said.

"I can see that," Jacqueline smiled. "I would imagine you and Sutton keep her busy."

"Hey, we are responsible, well-adjusted adults," she countered with a smirk.

Peering over her coffee mug at the charming brunette, the editor-in-chief felt less tense than she had all day.

"I need to know about the piece you pitched," Jacqueline was suspicious.

"Need or want?" Jane tilted her head.

"Both."

The young woman's cheeks took on a pink hue.

"Have you used the app before?" Jacqueline's voice dipped.

"Yes." She did not elaborate however much she could see the blonde wanted her to.

"Did you pitch it to provoke me?" she said as she leaned back and crossed her legs.

The concept flustered Jane. It actually hadn't crossed her mind.

"Is that what you think?" she choked out.

"What should I think?"

"I don't know why I chose that moment to reveal to you and everyone in the room that, one, I had broken up with Ben and two, that I was personally familiar with those two apps," she partially hid the expression on her face with her cup.

"I'm sorry about Dr. Ben," she said with empathy. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it. Things have been crazy since Paris."

"Keeping up on the love lives of your employees isn't in your job description."

"Maybe not all of my employees, but you aren't all of my employees," the look accompanying those words shot fire through Jane's veins. "Are you going to go on the dates?"

The question made Jane squeeze her thighs together. The thought of writing about a hookup had gone from uncomfortable to titillating. There was some exhibitionism to it. Also, she had twice now perceived jealousy from Jacqueline regarding the logistics of this piece.

"I have to do my research," Jane bit her lip after she replied.

"Mmm...I suppose you do."

There was a slight tremble in the older woman's pinkie as she held her coffee mug. Jacqueline had no tells until involuntary muscle movements gave her away.

"It doesn't have to be anything more than a drink," she was giving the woman an offering of sorts.

"Ah, well, not all dating apps are for hookups."

This couldn't even be classified as flirting. It held unquantifiable meaning.

"Jane?" the woman leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table.

Mimicking her move, Jane rested her chin on her knuckles as she, too, placed her elbows on the table.

"Do me a favor? Write about a previous encounter you've had using the app."

"Are you telling me to compromise my integrity as a journalist, Ms. Carlyle?" the tip of Jane's tongue briefly came into view, licking the corner of her lip and disappearing again.

"I'm asking you to fudge the timeline of events a bit," she smiled.

"And for what purpose?" the brunette was delighting in the lobs back and forth.

Jacqueline leaned in a bit closer, as close as was able given the round tabletop between them, dropping her hands so she could touch Jane's elbows. She didn't want anyone in the busy establishment to hear her.

"Is my not wanting to have to think about you finding a stranger to fuck for the sake of an article I assigned you purpose enough?" she whispered.

Jacqueline watched the muscles of Jane's neck as she swallowed hard. _God, how this woman made her want to be bad and she liked it_, Jane thought.

"I'll take that as a yes," Jacqueline leaned back and finished her coffee with a satisfied smile on her face.

Standing abruptly, Jane held out a hand for Jacqueline and reached for the boss's purse. The taller woman raised an eyebrow.

"Did you drive or walk?" the writer asked as they reached the shop's exit.

"Take a left and the town car should be parked on the next block," she answered, loving that her hand was still in Jane's as she was dragged down the block.

The driver hopped out of the car and opened the door for his client. Jacqueline allowed Jane to get in first and then followed suit.

"Back to the office?" the driver asked.

Looking over at Jane, Jacqueline saw in dark eyes a request she could not deny.

"Actually, could you please give us a few minutes first?" she nodded and he dutifully hit the switch for the partition to rise allowing them some privacy.

"Jacqueline..." a lower than usual voice was asking untold numbers of questions with the ten letters of her name.

Turning her body toward Jane, the editor was greeted by wanting lips. She grabbed for Jane's hip to bring her closer and returned the kiss with aplomb. When the first tongue snuck through the gates, dueling moans harmonized. They were making out like two teenagers in the back of a car at prom. The difference being they were in the back of a car on the busy streets of New York City and they were two professional women who should be at work. Breaking the kiss, Jane panted and looked to icy orbs to find the answers to the unspoken questions.

"Jane, I need to say three things to you," she, too, was breathing hard. "I cannot come between you, Sutton and Kat. Ever. You care what they think of you. Things should blow over with Kat, but in the future you have to know that I will not allow it. They are your family."

Jane's eyes shined with tears. She nodded and waited, assuming Jacqueline was going to tell her the other two things. However, the older woman was still catching her breath.

"And? The other things?" Jane raised an eyebrow, making Jacqueline chuckle.

"I'd love to stay in this car with you for the rest of the day behaving like teenagers and ignoring our responsibilities but I need to get back to the office. Plus—"

Jacqueline was forced to stop speaking as lips found her pulse point. Her mind had short-circuited.

"Plus?" Jane hummed against her earlobe.

Taking a moment to run her fingers across Jane's collarbone, she shored up resolute determination.

"If we don't go back to work, we may not make it out of this car," she was all but purring, "but we will definitely make it out of our clothes."

Jane flopped back in her seat with an exaggerated exasperation much to the enjoyment of Jacqueline who chuckled. She gave the girl's thigh a squeeze while knocking on the partition.

"Back to the office," she directed.

As the car slowly joined Manhattan traffic, Jane leaned over to whisper in her boss's ear.

"You owe me one more thing," she refrained from licking the tempting earlobe because of the driver's eyes in the rearview mirror. She was cognizant of who this woman was and how many eyes would constantly be on them if this were to continue.

Turning to give Jane the same whispering treatment, she said something that made the rest of Jane's week impossibly long:

"I can't stand the idea of you fucking a woman for an article while I'm thinking about fucking you myself."

_Jesus_, Jane thought. _This got serious fast_.

_To be continued…_

[Song inspiration is "What I Like About You" by Jonas Blue]


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: Trigger warning for implied sexual assault. No graphic imagery, but be warned. _

Jacqueline was sitting with Jane in a dimly lit bar in Bed-Stuy, three empty shot glasses in front of Jane. It worried Jacqueline that too much alcohol was the last thing the younger woman needed right now, but the pain in her eyes left the blonde unable to cut her off.

The phone call came at a little after nine. Jacqueline wasn't expecting to hear from Jane, in fact getting a phone call from the writer was very much out of the ordinary. She picked up immediately and heard the broken voice on the line. Something had happened, but Jane didn't want to explain over the phone. Running out of the house without telling anyone where she was going, Jacqueline insisted her driver take every shortcut.

The brunette looked haggard when her boss arrived. Jacqueline saw something in those wild eyes that she had experienced herself. She was gutted by the thought.

"Jane? What happened?" Jacqueline looked her up and down to see if she was hurt. "Tell me everything."

Jane wouldn't talk until they had a drink. So here they sat, a small table in the back corner of a bar neither of them frequented. They had some privacy. Jacqueline still didn't know why she was in Bed-Stuy, but she was beginning to suspect what happened. Her heart ached for Jane.

"Jane?" she stood and moved her chair closer; she was close enough to take the girl's hand, but not too close as to crowd her. "Do you want to call the police? File a report?"

"No." She was adamant and Jacqueline understood it.

"Do you need to go to the hospital to be checked out?" she was gentle and patient.

Jane shook her head, tears streaking her face.

"Let me take you home," Jacqueline knew she shouldn't push, but sitting in this bar felt like the worst place they could be.

Their knees knocked in the close quarters. Jane found the contact of their legs comforting. When Jacqueline had taken her hand she started to feel she had a handle on her torrent of emotions.

"Will you come home with me?" Jane was vulnerable like she had never before been.

Jacqueline put an arm around thin shoulders and pulled her in.

"Whatever you need."

...

They hadn't spoken in the car. They held hands as Jane stared out the window. Jacqueline didn't take her eyes off of her. They arrived at Jane's apartment where there were no lights on. Months ago she had told Jane that she could come to her with anything. She never imagined this would be in that category.

Jacqueline helped Jane to the door and used the set of keys the woman was holding shakily to unlock the door. Jane turned on every light as she made her way through the house.

When Jane disappeared into her bedroom the blonde looked around the kitchen and saw a note Sutton had left saying that she and Kat would be home from Philadelphia really late. Jacqueline now understood why Jane had called her. The two women she loved and cared about most were out of town.

She heard the sob in the next room and followed it. She slipped past the partially closed door to find Jane sitting in her shirt and panties. The pants she had worn were now bunched in the garbage can. Jacqueline understood all too well that need to discard of anything associated with a terrible event.

"Come here, love, it's going to be okay," she opened her arms and let Jane cry against her.

"I need to shower," the young woman sighed.

The writer's sobs wracked her body. Jacqueline's own tears were incompatible with the stoicism she was projecting, but that didn't stop them from falling mightily.

"It's okay, it's okay, you're okay."

After humming this mantra against the side of Jane's head for ten minutes, she noticed the way the small woman was changing gears and her focus.

"If you need help—" she left the question in the space between them.

Jane shook her head and stood, ready to wash away as much of the night as she could.

"I'll be right here," Jacqueline promised.

...

Having showered, put on pajamas and settled on the couch, Jane was grateful for the older woman's presence and the warm tea in the cup in her lap.

She told Jacqueline everything. She had been groped on the subway. She had a panic attack, got off the subway far from her apartment and proceeded to fall apart. She divulged that she had FaceTimed Kat and Sutton and they insisted she call the editor or they would call Jacqueline themselves. They were right, of course.

"Here," the blonde rummaged through her purse and handed over a pill. "For sleep."

"It's not every day your boss gives you drugs," Jane attempted a smile as hard as it was.

"One day you're going to stop referring to me as your boss," Jacqueline shook her head. "You're going to need all the help you can get with sleep tonight."

"Three shots of vodka and chamomile tea wouldn't suffice?" Jane asked wryly.

Jacqueline gave Jane the 'don't question me' look and Jane swallowed the pill without dropping eye contact.

"Good girl," she nodded.

"It wasn't serious," Jane's comment was picked up on by the woman who had experienced something of this magnitude.

"It's always serious, Jane. It doesn't matter what it was; you were assaulted."

This brought tears to Jane's eyes. She would need time before she accepted this. Some denial had crept in already.

"I've read and heard all about toxic masculinity and, of course, I've seen how women are treated in all industries. But I'd never thought much of how it applied to my own life. The men I've dated have been respectful, decent."

Jacqueline understood that Jane needed to get this all out. It was important for her to process what had happened to her. She held her hand and let her talk.

"I've never had an experience where a man was aggressive. I've never felt unsafe, you know?" Jane needed validation.

Jacqueline nodded.

Jane continued analyzing what makes men behave this way. There were no answers to the many questions she was asking. Jacqueline couldn't help but think of Ian and how understanding he had been when she told him about her assault. She had to trust him before she could share it. The reminder of how essential that was to her telling her story; she realized how much Jane trusted her. She had confided in the editor about her mother's breast cancer, her need to address fertility immediately and now about her assault on the subway. Jane entrusting her with these major events in her life touched Jacqueline.

"My first time wasn't aggressive," the sleeping pill was slowing the speed of Jane's speech and loosening her tongue. "It was a disaster. Teenage boys shouldn't be allowed to have sex."

Jane was chuckling at the memory. The blonde was as amused by the story as she was by the effect the sleeping pill was beginning to have on the girl.

"Fuck, I would have thought of sex very differently if my first time had been with a girl. I thought all sex was about penetration. Boy, I was wrong."

Jacqueline couldn't stop her body from warming at the thought of Jane having sex. Hearing that profane word also did something to her. She was mentally kicking herself for having this reaction to something as benign as Jane's first time.

"Women are gentle, aren't they?" the writer looked to Jacqueline for an actual answer. All the woman could give was a simple nod. This was territory she wasn't prepared to discuss. "My first time with a girl was night and day different from my time with a stupid, inept teenage boy in the high school concession stand. She was gentle. God, she was gentle. Kissing him was sloppy and not satisfying. Kissing her was…"

The young woman disappeared in her mind. She had a slight smile on her face as she strolled through her memory. It was obvious after a full minute that the sleeping pill had taken hold and the window of opportunity needed to be taken advantage of.

"Can you stay for a little bit? Just until I fall asleep?" Jane knew she was asking for a lot, that Jacqueline had places she was expected to be.

"Of course. Why don't you get into bed?"

Jane gave the patented Jacqueline Carlyle arched eyebrow and made the older woman laugh.

Jacqueline lay down with Jane holding her hand until the brunette's breathing became shallow and she fell asleep. Not wanting to disturb her until she was in a deep sleep, she kept an arm wrapped around her, their fingers linked for almost an hour.

...

Jacqueline was sitting on the couch reading her phone when Kat and Sutton walked in after midnight. They weren't surprised to see her, but worriedly looked around for Jane. Following their boss's eyes toward the bedroom door, they were relieved to know she was asleep.

"How's our girl?" Sutton broke the silence.

"I gave her a sleeping pill; she should sleep," Jacqueline explained.

"Are you okay?" Kat said, sitting down next to Jacqueline with concern.

"Me? Yes."

Jacqueline wasn't terribly convincing but tonight wasn't about her. She had told herself this over and over again since she got Jane's call. The night shook loose the traumatic memories in her mind, but aside from crying with Jane as the writer told her everything, she had kept it together.

"Thank you, Jacqueline," Kat's voice was soft, the hand she placed on Jacqueline's even softer.

"I'll get out of here and let you both get to bed," she said. "I asked Jane to please call or text me in the morning, she may have been too far gone to remember. Could you please remind her?"

Standing from the couch, the older woman suddenly felt how mentally and emotionally exhausted she was.

"If she doesn't let you know how she is, I will," Sutton's stubborn promise made Jacqueline smile.

"Goodnight, girls," she grabbed her bag and was heading toward the door when Sutton stopped her to give her a hug. Not appreciating until then how much she needed someone else to be strong for even thirty seconds, Jacqueline leaned into it.

After they watched their boss close the door behind her, Kat and Sutton relocated to Jane's bedroom doorway where they watched her sleep. She was so small in that bed by herself. They would eventually get in their pajamas and climb in with her, one on each side. And in the morning they would have her call Jacqueline.

_To be continued…_

["I Told You Everything" by Sharon Van Etten]


	4. Chapter 4

Jacqueline was enthralled with Jane.

Late at night when she was most honest with herself she could cease denying that it hadn't been there all along.

It began with amusement. The clear intimidation Jane experienced in her boss's presence in their early interactions was a twisted ego boost for Jacqueline. She wasn't an intimidating person, not really. She was exacting and she was direct. She could be warm, gentle even, with her staff. Which made it a bit funny that Jane had from day one become a hot mess in the woman's presence.

At some point it became a feeling other than amusement. She couldn't tell you when.

They met in a bar near Jane's house. Jane wasn't the hot mess she had been many times in Jacqueline's office. She wasn't a mess; she was shy. Jane Sloan who announced to the world that she had never had an orgasm and set out to have one was suddenly shy. The blonde let her take it slowly. It was the first time they had been out alone together since the unlikely, but welcome revelation that they were attracted to one another. This was different than a quick kiss at the office or in the car. Going out together represented truths that neither of them was particularly keen on exploring yet.

"Jane? Relax. I don't bite. I'm the same person you've sat on many a couch with talking about the extremely difficult parts of your life," Jacqueline placed a hand over Jane's on the bar. "I haven't changed. I adore you."

There it was. The feeling Jacqueline had replaced amusement with was adoration.

Pink tinted Jane's cheeks as she nervously looked down at their hands. She felt the hand enclose around hers and her shyness lifted. She followed a path up their arms until she looked into those damn blue eyes. The moment she realized he was into women it was those damn blue eyes that tipped the scale.

"God, you are gorgeous," the brunette remarked.

Sipping her drink, Jacqueline considered Jane. The girl had finished her first drink and signaled for another.

"Don't get drunk on me, Sloan," the editor gave a smoldering look that was better than any buzz or high Jane had ever experienced.

The chemistry had existed between them for a while, but the outright sexual tension was new. The cat was out of the bag and it made their interactions every bit more charged.

"I get chatty when I'm drunk," Jane revealed.

"Yes, I believe I was aware of this."

Jacqueline brushed Jane's arm as they both contemplated the secrets the girl might spill if she had a few more drinks. It was not advisable. Their first what? Drinks? Date? Their first undefined outing deserved some clarity.

Jane would be willing to spend all her money on drinks if she could have these little moments with the older woman regularly.

"I'm going to say something sophomoric and you aren't going to bring it up ever again," the writer leaned closer, their shoulders brushing. "I like holding your hand."

Jacqueline pursed her lips, looking at the wall of liquor bottles instead of Jane.

"Shut up."

The brunette's head dropped to Jacqueline's shoulder, a smile on her face, squeezing her hand.

"You're rather adorable," the editor spoke with that adoration she'd come to feel around Jane.

"Mmhmm."

"Now I'm going to say something you are not to hold against me," Jacqueline smiled. "Would you like to go for a walk while continuing to hold my hand?"

Jane stood, threw money on the bar and put her bag on her arm.

"Let's go."

So much for being shy.

...

The two women had been walking for a few dozen blocks. Jane didn't like holding Jacqueline's hand, she loved holding her hand.

"What were you like in your early twenties?" Jane asked.

"Dedicated, driven, a bit idealistic."

"You are still dedicated and driven," the girl commented.

"Not idealistic?" Jacqueline's eyebrow arched as she glanced at Jane.

"Hmm...no, you're a realist. You understand the world you inhabit and you stay within the parameters of that world."

"I published a controversial piece with a Jane Sloan byline that nearly go me fired," she taunted. "Is that the act of a realist?"

Jane smiled at this and bumped into Jacqueline. She could walk to the end of the city and it still wouldn't be enough of this.

"No, but it was the act of a certified badass," Jane retorted.

"I believe, my dear, you have a crush."

"Do grown women have crushes?"

"If you can hit five foot five in four inch heels, are you a grown woman?" Jacqueline was not at all surprised when Jane swatted her with her purse.

"You didn't!"

Jane pulled Jacqueline by her arm into a tight hug. When she released the taller woman she found a perplexed look on her face.

"What?" The writer questioned.

"How the hell did this happen?" she shook her head, but didn't allow Jane to pull away.

"I don't know, but I'm not ready to let you go."

A look of self-derision touched Jane's face; she wouldn't allow it to settle in because where those thoughts led her always ended on the doorstep of Jacqueline's perfect home and perfect family.

"You don't have to," Jacqueline assured her, her hand framing Jane's warm cheek.

Neither knew who started it nor did they care because the kiss was on fire. There was never a tentative touch. When Jane's fingers buried themselves in blonde locks, Jacqueline moaned. It was the sound of angels. The arousal hit the young woman and a growl formed at the back of her throat. Their loss of control received them a few looks from passersby.

"I should get you home," Jacqueline hummed, taking a breath to gather her composure and get her libido under control.

"Maybe I should take a cab," the young woman was trying to slow everything down. She knew if Jacqueline took her home there was a good chance she would invite her in. This felt too new to jump in without knowing if the water was shallow.

"I understand."

They were still holding each other.

"I think I do know how this happened," Jane hummed.

"Oh?"

"I wanted to be found by you," she was honest.

Pressing a kiss to Jane's forehead, Jacqueline separated herself and hailed a cab.

"I've always seen you, Jane," she said, but she didn't elaborate on this truth that she finds in the middle of the night when she throws out her denial.

"Goodnight, Jacqueline," she smiled, one last kiss but a whisper on her lips.

She watched the editor get into a cab, the way her lips moved as they directed the driver to her home and, eventually after hailing her own cab, watched from the backseat as her boss's cab disappeared into New York traffic.

_To be continued…_

[Song inspiration "Adore" by Amy Shark]


	5. Chapter 5

"Tiny Jane!" Sutton panted. "We've got to take a breather. Get some water."

"One more song," Jane begged.

They'd been dancing at the _Scarlet_ party for an hour straight, the alcohol giving them a pleasant buzz. Jane was full of energy and wanted to let loose. She hadn't said anything to her best friends about Jacqueline since they had gone out for drinks. And neither Sutton nor Kat had noticed anything out of the ordinary around the office. Knowing Jane, she was sorting out her feelings and deciding on her next move. This burst of energy was as useful as a distraction as it was a method of processing her feelings.

"You guys! It's my song!" Kat spoke loudly over the music.

The three bounced their way into another song. The dancing was frenetic. Jane sensed eyes on her and turned to see the illustrious blonde checking her out. A twitch of her lips in recognition was apparently a turn on for her boss. Blue eyes turned black. Jane continued to dance. She shook her ass and danced suggestively all while holding the older woman's eyes stayed on her.

Jacqueline knew what Jane was doing. The dancing was obvious; she was trying to get a rise out of her boss in a public setting surrounded by their colleagues. Generally, she knew what Jane was doing, too. She hadn't pulled away; she had slowed down to consider her next move. The night they'd walked hand-in-hand through the streets of New York had been fantastic. They both wanted it to continue. They had wanted it to continue that night, their better judgment stopping it. Since, Jane was confident Jacqueline knew she was taking her time. They didn't need to discuss it. Not talking about it was working for them, Jacqueline had the patience of a saint, but the lack of physical contact was getting to be an irritation. Now that they knew what power a single kiss held it was impossible to not think of what they both hoped would be a series of next times.

Sutton cleared her throat loudly to get Jane's attention. She nodded in the direction of the door to bring attention to the fact that a board member standing with Richard was looking at Jacqueline whose eyes were glued to Jane. Kat was still coming around to see that Jacqueline truly cared about Jane, but Sutton had understood from day one the complexities of loving someone that you can't be with or loving someone you can only be with under the most discreet terms. Sutton watched Jane as she gestured with her eyes to insure Jacqueline saw the two men standing by the entrance. Jacqueline was blushing as she looked away from the three young women.

"You made the boss lady blush, Janie," Sutton said into her ear, drawing a smile out of Jane.

Finally the song ended and the three made their way to the bar.

"Oh, my god," Kat groaned. "My feet might fall off."

"You knew there would be dancing and you still chose to wear those shoes!" Sutton was louder now than she had been on the dance floor.

"I can't help that these shoes make me look like a tall drink of water."

Kat did a pirouette, leaving her friends in stitches.

"You know when you take your shoes off in the bedroom you are given away, right? False advertising," Jane held a tight smirk.

"You should talk! You wear a padded bra, how does that work out?" Kat grabbed at Jane's boob who pulled back and nearly fell.

"Don't get carried away, ladies," the familiar voice was over their shoulder and a hand brushed along the small of Jane's back, making sure she didn't fall. Though well timed, the touch was far too short for the brunette's liking.

Jane's eyes trailed after Jacqueline, her jaw hitting the floor as she noticed a bit of a shake in place of the usual sway of the blonde's hips.

…

"I was watching you dancing," the heady voice had come from near her shoulder.

"I know," she held her smile and felt warmth spreading through her body starting at that shoulder.

"And I haven't been able to take my mind off of you."

They weren't touching or even looking at one another and yet Jane's body was responding rapidly.

"Off my dancing?" Jane asked.

"That, too."

Jacqueline need not explain. They had both been doing a lot of thinking about one another recently.

"The way you move makes me wonder…" she hummed.

"Yes?" the writer was desperate for the remainder of that thought.

"Would you move like that for me?"

A discernible intake of breath was the only audible response Jane gave.

"Take me home tonight?" the blonde's voice and a hand in the middle of Jane's spine was a dual pleasure.

Turning around, Jane looked into dark pools and could only nod.

…

They had reached her door. Jane shivered and neither knew if it was because of the cold or the literal and figurative threshold they were about to cross.

"Jane?" the sound reached her ears and she didn't move.

Standing in her apartment, Jane hadn't turned back around after closing the door behind them. This woman held such power over her.

"Please don't say it," Jane's voice was a quiet plea.

The pause was brief and whatever it was never would be spoken. Jacqueline's hands were on Jane, spinning her around and kissing her fast and hard. They were all over each other, panting.

They danced their way to the bedroom. Before either had slipped out of their clothes and abandoned them at the side of the bed, Jacqueline stared at Jane for long enough to cause the writer a moment of insecurity.

"What?" she worried her lip.

Jacqueline knew she couldn't say aloud what she was thinking. She was falling in love.

"I wanted to look at you without worrying someone might be looking at me," her answer wasn't a lie. It wasn't entirely forthcoming, either.

Jane turned and gestured to her zipper. It would begin a give and take that resulted in their being undressed on the bed. Hands roamed over newly unveiled skin. Jane wondered if she touched Jacqueline like this, would she be touched the same?

"I have a confession," Jane said between kisses up the blonde's torso.

"Oh, yeah?" Jacqueline's voice trembled as an incredibly talented tongue traced her nipple.

"While you were watching me dance I knew what you were thinking," her answer was slow in coming as her mouth was otherwise busy.

"And what was that?" she breathed.

"You were wondering what you might counter my dancing with to get me to ask you home tonight."

Jacqueline laughed and covered her eyes with her hand. Jane had reached the blonde's chin. She took that hand away, giving the woman her best information-inducing stare.

"And I was desperate enough to ask _you_ to take _me_ home," she shook her head.

"You are many things, desperate you are not."

The older woman was going to prove her desperation. If she couldn't reveal she was falling in love and it was tearing her up, she would reveal how desperate she was to find out if Jane moved in bed the way she did on the dance floor.

_To be continued_…

[Song inspiration was "Shake It" by Metro Station]


	6. Chapter 6

"God," Jane's thigh pressed into Jacqueline's mound and the blonde couldn't keep from moaning.

"We've got to stop meeting like this."

They were behind a rack of clothing in the fashion closet, the door locked and the light off. It wasn't the first time they'd made out in various places around the Steinem building. The single elevator without a security camera had become well frequented, as had the roof space and the fashion closet. It was insanely distracting and yet they couldn't get through their days physical contact like this.

"You weren't saying that last night when I knelt before you in that corner," Jacqueline looked to the corner with the privacy screen making Jane blush.

"I dare say that has never happened in this room."

"I dare say it won't be the last time."

Jane's leg moved and it took everything in the editor's power to not grind down and allow herself to reach that place where uncoiling was inevitable. It was early, but there were staffers slowly arriving for a morning of work. Despite the rule she had set that they would not get naked or orgasm during regular work hours at _Scarlet_, the boss was wondering if an orgasm while fully clothed and without touch underneath her clothing was forgivable. She began thinking of when they could see other and stay within the rules next. Then her mind went elsewhere.

Small hands came up to frame her face, hazel eyes wondering what was going on in Jacqueline's incredible mind. The older woman shook her head, she didn't want to ruin the moment they were sharing or start their workday off on the wrong foot.

"Please talk to me," Jane wanted to be that person Jacqueline found safe, that she felt she could confide in about anything. God knows the woman had become that for Jane. She had long before they declared their feelings for each other.

"It's nothing."

Jane pulled her leg back, the blonde exhaling and immediately missing the friction. She didn't remove her hands.

"You don't want to lose me again."

Shaking her head in wonder not in denial, Jacqueline felt tears building and kicked herself for the emotional rollercoaster she had experienced that morning with Jane as her passenger.

"How do you do that?" Jacqueline voice cracked.

"Read your mind?" she asked to affirmation. "It takes something serious to stop you on your way to coming undone, no pun intended."

Jacqueline smiled. That is _exactly_ where she was headed.

"And if history is any indicator, what has scared you most wasn't starting this, it is the fear that it might end. That it might be ripped from us. You lose hope that this isn't just for now, but that it will last."

Touching their foreheads together and wrapping her arms around slender shoulders, the woman allowed a few tears to fall. Not many, no that would have ruined her mascara, that wasn't the Jacqueline Carlyle way. She touched her lips to Jane's and kept her head tilted to return their foreheads together.

"This feels safe and yet fragile," Jacqueline finally spoke.

"Then trust that. Trust me."

"I do. I have. I will."

Jane's hands slipped into tawny tendrils at the back of Jacqueline's neck. She breathed, her chest still pressed against that of the woman whose heart was beating against her own.

"Tonight's fashion show," Jacqueline sighed.

"Ian will be there." Jane knew instinctively that the tone her lover had used would in some way relate to her husband.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. She knew how hard it was for Jane to see them together. The insecurities consumed the writer and eventually jealousy took hold. She may have had Jacqueline like this, but she shared her life with him. "Meet me after midnight?"

"Of course."

They kissed slowly and with gentility.

…

She hated seeing them together. She had nothing against Ian. He was kind and always friendly. By most he seemed the perfect husband. They encountered one another briefly at events like this, said their hellos and moved on. Yet as much as she liked him, her heart always felt like it was in pieces and she was on the verge of completely breaking down when he was present. Seeing _her_ on _his_ arm made her teeter on falling apart.

Nights like this, public events, she drank more than usual and sequestered herself. Kat and Sutton would drag her out and redirect her attention. Sutton understood. She'd had to endure Richard's engagement period. It hurt them to see her bothered like this, but as Kat reminded her, this is what Jane had signed up for. The two women may be keeping their affair quiet, but that didn't mean there weren't feelings that could very much be hurt.

Jane had left the party early, heading to the gym for a run. She showered and returned to _Scarlet_ in shorts and a sweatshirt. As she reached for the handle of the fashion closet's door, it swung open and there stood Jacqueline in tight jeans with holes in the knees, a loose, modest blouse and sneakers. Jane had never seen her in sneakers. At any other time, the young woman might have made a very naughty comment about those sneakers.

"Hi," she said as her smile turned sad.

Pulling Jane into a hug, Jacqueline didn't care if there were any stragglers after the show. She whispered an apology that needn't be said or acknowledged.

"Let's go," she hummed.

Jane followed and said nothing in the elevator or when they climbed into the town car. When they were seven or eight blocks from Jane's apartment, Jacqueline instructed her driver to let them out so they could walk the rest of the way. Jane was pleasantly surprised by the order. They got out and walked hand in hand under the streetlights toward Jane's. Even after midnight they weren't the only people on the street. Never in New York could you be the only people on the street.

They had barely made it in the door of the apartment before their hands were all over each other and the trail of discarded clothes began. Jane begged to be fucked hard and Jacqueline needed to be loved gently. The dichotomy was a thought for another day.

…

"There are plenty of opportunities out there for me. I'll go."

"The hell you will!" Jane was furious. "You are _Scarlet_."

They were in Jane's bed, Jacqueline wrapped in a sheet, leaning back against the headboard. She was resolute and Jane was pissed.

"I'm not giving you up and you are not leaving _Scarlet_."

Jane had been lying with her head in the blonde's lap, listening to her talk about what she needed to do about her marriage. She had compartmentalized her feelings about the Carlyle marriage, but the latter would not be so. It wasn't until Jacqueline began exploring the idea of them not working together anymore to better allow their relationship to develop that she knew she had to face the woman to prove how serious she was about this.

"I can find another job, there's surely another _Incite_ out there looking for young talent," Jane's brown eyes were sad and angry.

"You deserve to be at _Scarlet_ as much as anyone, Jane. You were lost when you left. You learned a lot, grew a lot, but you didn't hit your stride. You've been doing great work since you came back. You need to keep doing it," she held Jane's hand.

"I'm doing great work because I'm doing it for you," she hissed.

Jacqueline understood.

"I've told you I would keep it quiet."

"You have, Jane. You have."

Jane's mind went back to that first night they held hands under the streetlights and well-lit buildings, walking and talking. If that were the only kind of time they'd get alone, she would learn to be okay with that. She would kiss her in the dark; she would meet her in secret places; she would do whatever it took to not lose Jacqueline again.

Jacqueline guided the brunette's head back into her lap. She ran her hands through Jane's hair and let the rain outside lull them into a comfortable quiet.

...

"Jac," Jane hummed into the woman's ear. "We fell asleep."

"What time is it?" she asked, her sleepiness absolutely adorable.

"Almost 4. You need to get home."

"No."

"No? You need to go home," Jane felt a familiar tightness in her chest, the one she felt every time she had to let Jacqueline go.

"No. I don't."

This wasn't the sleepiness talking. Jacqueline's firmness told Jane that it wasn't the sleepiness. The woman, maybe the wife, was making a decision. She knew the consequences.

"Should we talk about this?" the brunette sat up.

"No."

"You're going to have to start saying something other than no, hon," Jane's mind was spinning at what Jacqueline's refusal to go home meant.

"Let's go back to sleep and we can talk about this before we go to work."

The writer had a very hard time going back to sleep.

_To be continued_…

["Quiet" by Exes]


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's note: This one hurts a bit. Fair warning. -dkc_

They never got the chance to talk about what Jacqueline spending the night meant or what the consequence of her refusal to go home might be. _Scarlet_ called.

After lunch Jane looked up from her monitor for what must have been the hundredth time to peer through the glass walls at the woman she felt deeply for. This time instead of the absence of any expression to indicate how she felt or what she was thinking, the blonde stood by the window, her back to the writer, her hand on her hip and her phone at her ear. Jacqueline used speakerphone for everything but personal calls. Her body language spoke loudly.

Jane was nauseous.

It is a helpless feeling to know someone you care about is in pain and that your mere existence in his or her life is a part of why. Kat's words kept surfacing. She wasn't wrong when she said this would end badly. It had finally hit Jane that this was going to end. So soon after the whirlwind began it would disappear.

Jacqueline's phone call was over. She continued to stand with her back to the bullpen and a grip on her phone that looked uncomfortable. Jane wanted to tear her eyes away, by looking she was continuing to torment herself, but she couldn't do it. When the blonde turned around the writer saw the glimmer of tears on red cheeks. She became even more nauseous.

Wiping her face on the backs of her hands, Jacqueline appeared to be regrouping. She was on the move. Jane casually looked back at her monitor. What she hadn't expected was for the blonde to rap her fingers on Jane's desk as she walked past. Taking that to mean she should follow, but not as to be noticed by everyone, Jane waited a moment and trailed after her boss. She was surprised to find them passing the fashion closet and elevators. They reached a secluded office that belonged to an IT person and Jacqueline held the door for Jane before closing it behind them and locking the door. The writer trusted that the editor-in-chief knew where this employee was and they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Jac?" Jane was surprised at the fragility of her own voice.

When the blonde turned back from locking the door she was already crumbling. Tears had welled up in her eyes and she let them go.

"Come here," Jane whispered, pulling Jacqueline against her.

This was new. Jane had never had to physically hold Jacqueline up. She wondered if she'd ever had to be the emotionally solid one. She doubted it.

"God, I hate this," the muffled voice vibrated against Jane's shoulder.

Keeping her arms tight around the editor, she thought it best not to ask questions. Jacqueline would tell her what she wanted to. Right now her job was to hold her up—physically, emotionally or in whatever way the woman needed.

"I want you to know that _I_ chose to not leave you this morning. You did nothing wrong," Jacqueline spoke, this time standing upright to look at Jane.

Nodding her head, tears built in her own eyes. _Why do I do this to myself?_ Jane thought. She was fully expecting this to be the end. She had it all figured out until she didn't.

"Don't give up on me," the older woman whispered.

Pulling Jacqueline back to her, a hand held the back of the blonde's head as she bent to place her nose in the crook of Jane's neck. Her tears not over, Jacqueline gave herself permission to fall apart. She was in safe arms and in those arms she could afford to be vulnerable.

Jane simultaneously felt hope and crushing defeat.

…

_Scarlet_'s leader had yet to arrive at the office and it was nearing lunchtime.

"Andrew," Jane walked right up to the assistant and gave him the look of a woman not to be trifled with. "Where is Jacqueline?"

"She had an appointment," he dropped his head to avoid that stare.

"And?" Jane wasn't budging.

"I do not know more than that."

"Come with me, Andrew."

"What? Why?" he was startled.

Jane gave him a look that terrified him. He stood and followed the small woman as she turned on her heel and walked toward the infamous fashion closet.

"Where is Jacqueline?" she asked him again.

"I told you, she had an appointment," he crossed his arms in annoyance.

"What kind of an appointment?" Jane pressed.

"If you must know, it was an unscheduled personal matter."

A wave of nausea hit Jane. This was becoming a common occurrence when she thought about what Jacqueline was dealing with.

"Cut the crap, Andrew. How long have you been Jacqueline's assistant?" she had poked him in the chest with a pointed index finger and he had backed up until his back was flat against the closed door.

"Five years," he responded quickly.

"And in five years has Jacqueline ever not told you where she would be?" she asked.

"No, well, not until recently."

A raised eyebrow that he was accustomed to being on the receiving end of from his boss was now part of this tiny, terrifying package in front of him.

"Jane…" he looked to his feet. "I know that something is going on with the two of you."

She was stunned. They had been so careful. Up until Jacqueline had decided to throw out the rulebook and refuse to go home to her family the morning before, they had been very careful. This is exactly why Andrew should know where his boss was at this moment. If he was perceptive enough to catch them, he knew.

"I…" Jane was still stunned.

"I would never divulge anything about Jacqueline's personal or professional life to anyone in or out of this building."

His loyalty to Jacqueline was admirable.

"Where is she, Andrew?" Jane stepped back and her anxiety replaced the terror-inducing stance she had taken with him.

"She's meeting with her lawyer," he wisely gave up the information.

As Jane's heart sunk and her nausea threatened to be something more serious, she appreciated the concerned and sympathetic look she was getting from her nemesis.

"Thank you," she spoke the words, but she was somewhere else.

"Can I go?" he asked timidly.

"Yes. Thank you, Andrew."

He left her in the fashion closet and returned to his desk. He had a message on his cell phone alerting him to the fact that Jacqueline would not be coming into the office until tomorrow. He contemplated going to tell Jane, but decided it best to let her figure it out.

…

"Oh, babe," Kat sighed, wrapping an arm around Jane and pulling her close. "I'm sorry."

"You aren't going to tell me you told me so?" Jane shook her head.

"Of course not."

"You still haven't heard from her?" Sutton was sitting next to Jane on the futon in the fashion closet, Jane's office for the day. She was letting Kat do the holding as she rubbed the brunette's knee.

"No and I didn't want to threaten Andrew again," she said.

"Why didn't you tell us yesterday?" Sutton gently asked.

"Because I did this to myself?"

This brought Sutton's arms into the fray. Jane was now sandwiched between her two best friends.

"Why did she do it?" Kat asked the question as if Jane had any idea why Jacqueline had stayed with her after the fashion show, ultimately tipping off her husband that she was having an affair.

Nothing was said. How could Jane know? Why does anyone do anything?

"Do you want us to go home with you?" Kat offered.

"I'm going to stay and try to get some work done. I've been worthless today."

"If you change your mind, we are both a call away," Sutton reminded her.

"Thanks, guys. I love you."

"We love you, Tiny Jane."

They held Jane until she wiggled her way out and hugged them both before returning to her desk.

…

"It's not true you know," the voice startled her.

Hurrying to turn down the music and whipping around to see Jacqueline standing by the first group of desks in the bullpen, Jane was a mess of anxiety.

"I didn't think anyone else was here," she gave as explanation for the loud music.

"I would hope not, it's 1 a.m., Jane."

It wasn't that she didn't know what time it was; she didn't care. Here she could have time to think and wouldn't have to answer Kat or Sutton's incessant questions about Jacqueline. She also thought, wrongly, that this was the last place Jacqueline would be. The editor hadn't been at the office all day.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as the older woman made her way over to Jane. Thinking back to the first time Jacqueline had done that, she recognized that the anxiety then was different than now. The woman's attire was different as well—jeans and a black sweater with loose, blonde waves. Without ubiquitous heels, Jacqueline seemed small and vulnerable.

"I called security to ask them if anyone was still in the building," she said. "When they told me one person on the floor of _Scarlet_, I knew it couldn't be anyone other than you."

"You could have called me directly and asked," Jane reminded her.

Nodding, Jacqueline wasn't making eye contact while listening to the quiet song that she knew to be on repeat. It had been playing when she exited the elevator and since Jane hadn't noticed the sound of the elevator, she was able to get away with watching Jane and really listening to the lyrics.

"Do you actually believe you'll be 'alone at the finish line'?" Jacqueline pointed a finger at the wireless speaker.

"I don't know," Jane looked to the that speaker for the answer, but none was forthcoming.

A hand came to rest on her forearm and she was powerless to halt the surge of sadness.

"Tell me what I can do," the genuine kindness with which Jacqueline always gave this offer was at times comforting and at others infuriating. How could she be this caring while also shattering Jane's heart?

Shaking her head as a way of saying nothing could be done and also out of frustration with how tearful the question had made her, she was made.

"How much do you want to know?" Jacqueline responded to Jane's body language and tearfulness.

"The lawyer?" she took a deep breath.

"A divorce attorney."

Jacqueline didn't elaborate and Jane didn't push for more. What she should know and what she was strong enough to hear were worlds apart.

"Is he…?" Jane's voice broke and the tears began to fall.

"Honey, you need sleep. We can talk about this later. Let me give you a ride home."

Jane resisted. She was angry at her tears. She was angry with herself for being this emotionally affected. More time with Jacqueline wasn't going to fix anything. However, she did need sleep.

She shut off the music and her monitor. Grabbing her purse, she signaled she was ready. What she hadn't prepared herself for was the loving hug that enveloped her. Jane's heart swelled and tears continued burning her eyes.

"Come on, let's get you home," Jacqueline cleared a strand of hair that had fallen across Jane's left eye.

Jane took Jacqueline's hand on the way to the elevator and once in the car Jacqueline put her arm around Jane's petite body. Despite how nice both had felt, the sting of knowing Jacqueline would leave her on her doorstep before going home to her family was agonizing.

This is how she always knew it would be. Until she didn't know.

["Fireworks" by First Aid Kit]


	8. Chapter 8

Jacqueline spent the night.

The older woman would have done anything to leave her feelings with her clothes on Jane's floor, but she couldn't. She crawled into bed in a hurricane of hurt. She shouldn't do this tonight, but that was easier said than done.

They made love.

It was nothing like the feverish, breathtaking sex they had previously had. This was different. There was an underlying pain present, rooted in sadness and fear. Jane assumed this would be the last time. Jacqueline understood that her love for the young woman could cost her the comfortable routine of her family life, a husband who loved her even if they weren't in love the way they had once been. Their fears were not vocalized.

When it was over Jane fought tears while Jacqueline fought the need to say the three words she knew in her heart were how she felt about the writer. From the beginning Jane had drilled into her head that it didn't matter that Jacqueline was with Ian; they were having fun and they weren't upsetting anything. That had changed. Eventually Jane was trying in vain to convince herself that it didn't matter that Jacqueline was attached to someone else. It was far more difficult now. That, too, had changed.

They still hadn't talked about whatever had happened with the divorce attorney or what the impetus to see the lawyer was. Jane assumed Jacqueline's absence forced the issue, but it seemed unusual that he would ask for a divorce so quickly. Knowing nothing about New York law, she also assumed that it wasn't a no-fault state therefore Jacqueline's indiscretion would matter. They had money, children, and their loft—things that would have to be negotiated.

She held her tears and attempted to fall asleep, but her mind was racing. She knew Jacqueline was hurting, too. Two heartbeats were out of control.

Jacqueline held her 'til morning.

…

Her employees were beginning to notice that something was off with the editor-in-chief. Her usual pep when she walked into the morning meeting was missing. Her coffee intake was now one cup after another. The orders she directed at her assistant were terse. Andrew understood that there was upheaval in Jacqueline's personal life and largely gave her a pass.

As for Jane, Kat and Sutton knew something was off with their best friend, but the rest of the office hadn't suspected anything.

"Hey, babe," Kat caught Jane gazing at the empty glass-walled office as they walked onto _Scarlet_'s floor. She put an arm around Jane and gave her a supportive squeeze. "One minute at a time, okay?"

Sutton had been at Richard's when Jane and Jacqueline showed up at the apartment late the night before, technically morning. She had yet to return when Jacqueline showered, dressed and left that morning. The morning pep talk was left to Kat who offered unending sympathy and love.

"Five minutes everybody!" Jacqueline's booming voice made Jane flinch.

"One minute at a time," Kat reminded her before kissing her above her ear and leaving to gather her materials for the morning meeting.

...

The day had been largely uneventful, no matter how much Jane was hurting. The world didn't stop when a heart was broken.

Sitting through the morning meeting had been surprisingly helpful. It seemed as if everything was back to normal. However, she knew that there wasn't a normal that could be returned to after having had Jacqueline. Jacqueline Carlyle wasn't someone you easily moved on from or forgot easily if ever. There had been a moment during the meeting that had left Jane contemplative. Safford's recent move to fire Patrick after a trial run of having a different editor over digital was much talked about among the staff. However, they had made him sign a non-disclosure agreement that would, presumably, keep the matter in-house. Jacqueline pointed out to the staff the danger of this information hitting trade magazines and New York newspapers. Jane found herself thinking about how it might have been easier had it not been a secret that she and Jane were seeing each other. It would have been much less difficult than pretending they were nothing to one another. That was neither here nor there now. She knew wherever their relationship had taken them, they were on a return trip.

…

They were sitting on the couch in Jacqueline's office having already shared a fair amount of scotch while completely avoiding the issue that really should be talked about.

"He's an asshole," Jane mumbled.

"Who is?" Jacqueline hasn't followed Jane's rambling well enough to know if she was talking about Patrick, their out-the-door digital director, or Ryan, a name that hadn't come up in months.

"Explain to me again what happened?" the blonde hummed.

"He sought out Ben. Told him it was 'unfortunate' that neither of the two was able to keep me. He claimed his offer was the superior offer because it solved my problem without attaching strings."

"And Ben's strings?" Jacqueline asked.

"Domestic partnership so I could get into the experimental study at the hospital," Jane answered.

The editor realized that after Paris they had never actually talked about the specifics of the article that had caused Jacqueline such a headache. In it, Jane revealed that she had been offered two distinct answers to her egg freezing dilemma by two different men, one her boyfriend and one her ex-fling. This must have come as news to both Ryan and Ben. Otherwise she couldn't imagine they'd known about the other's offer. Now that she thought about, she wondered if this was what had broken up Jane and Ben. Ben couldn't have liked that Jane's ex was offering her fifteen thousand dollars for fertility treatments. And he likely didn't even know about Ryan.

"Did you think this is what your life would be?" Jane did a sweeping motion around the office. She didn't continue on the matter of Ben and Ryan. Her drunken mind had moved on.

"Drinking on the couch with an employee on a school night?"

Hearing the woman refer to her as an employee again stung. She was hurt and powerless to hide it.

"Sorry," Jacqueline took Jane's hand.

They hadn't touched in fourteen hours. It felt foreign and yet quickly familiarly comfortable.

"I have accomplished a lot in my career. I have two beautiful sons. I..." she stopped herself before mentioning Ian. It was routine to point out her marriage when asked about her life. Not only could she not do that with Jane, she no longer knew what Ian was to her or what she felt for him.

"A wonderful husband."

Jacqueline refused to go down that road.

"I'm sure you didn't think you'd be boning one of your employees. A female employee to boot," Jane's stare was as acidic as her words.

"I certainly wouldn't have put it so crudely."

"Would you prefer fucking?" Jane bit.

Jacqueline focused on her drink.

"Making love? Is that what it is? That would require love."

She knew she had gone too far. The soft hand was pulled back. Jane kicked herself for not being able to bite her tongue. She had been biting her tongue a lot lately. It was increasingly hard for her to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself. She had been falling hard for this woman Jacqueline's response answered for her the question she'd been asking for day. Even in her drunken state, she knew how she should proceed. Even if it hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry, that was over the line."

The older woman had tears in her eyes. She badly wanted to tell Jane she loved her. But she could feel the young woman pulling away. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want to fight with Jane and didn't know if the brunette wanted Jacqueline to fight for her.

"I should go," Jane said.

Standing, she smoothed out her blouse and left her glass on the coffee table. She said goodnight and walked away without even a graze of skin or a kiss devoid of feeling.

When she heard that the elevator doors had closed, Jacqueline lost it. The dam broke and tears washed over her cheeks. She never considered the possibility that she could lose both her marriage and Jane, especially at the same time. Her heart was shattered.

_To be continued…_

[Song inspiration: "Easier Said Than Done" by Plested]


	9. Chapter 9

Nothing had been said. For all their talking, rehashing and thinking, the two women ended their relationship without a word.

It had always been a long shot. There was much to overcome even without consideration for the older woman's marriage. The age difference, the professional positions they held, two very different lives—it had never made sense. Now they had to figure out how to exist in the same office while nursing broken hearts. Jane didn't believe that if they had ended it properly it would have made much difference. It was going to be painful no matter what.

"Where are we on articles?" Jacqueline had appeared near the desks of Alex, Sage and Jane.

Jane's hands began shaking, her heart raced and she was nauseous. How long this would be her reaction to Jacqueline being nearby, she didn't know.

"I talked to the nutritionist about the testosterone supplements and have an angle on the often promoted belief that it's good for men's stamina," Alex answered.

"Good, make sure we are clear that you spoke to a nutritionist and not a doctor," Jacqueline directed.

"The sex toys piece is still being discussed with Standards and Practices. Safford's legal team is working on that. It's ready to run if they clear it. If not, we may need to revisit this."

The editor nodded, she had been well aware of where this matter would end up. She hadn't wanted to deal with legal right now, it was an unnecessary headache, but she didn't believe there should be a problem with a women's magazine discussing vibrators.

"Jane?"

The writer was momentarily paralyzed. Her throat was dry. As loud as her heartbeat was in her own ears, she was surprised that everyone in the building couldn't hear it.

"I'm working on vengeful breakups and how they are even more damaging than revenge porn."

Talking about breakups was making Jane sweat. She had never before held this hatred for writing for a women's magazine that focused on relationships and sex. She despised it.

"Definition of—"

"Using information you know due to your intimacy with a prior partner to make a mess of their life out of spite and vengeance," Sage cut Jacqueline off with the explanation.

Jacqueline's raised eyebrow and her questioning stare made Jane uncomfortable. She looked down at her keyboard to avoid the blue-eyed stare. The young woman was fighting her own memory—she couldn't help but think of those eyes peering into her as sweaty bodies tangled in bed.

"Exes who approach other exes or even current partners," she picked her words carefully. She needed Jacqueline to know she wasn't writing about the blonde.

"Sounds interesting. Try to stay away from the specifics of revenge porn," she didn't look at Jane again.

There's a packet on Safford's Standards and Practices procedure on Andrew's desk.

"Do good work," Jacqueline stood and returned to her office.

Jane sat there for a few minutes reminiscing about how their professional interactions had gone for several weeks. They had flirted discreetly and occasionally their legs or feet would touch. She thought of that fondly, but then the sadness crept in.

Creeping sadness was now Jane's shadow.

…

"Do you have a minute?" Andrew was standing on the other side of Jane's desk looking over the monitor at her.

"What does Jacqueline need?" she didn't look up.

"I'm not asking for her."

This brought Jane's head up. Never before had Andrew approached her for anything other than a request from their boss.

"Um…yes?" she stood up and followed him.

When they stepped into the fashion closet, Jane was suddenly quite worried because Andrew locked the door and had a sympathetic look on his face.

"You might want to sit down."

"Andrew what is going on?" she took his direction, sat on the ottoman and looked at him.

"I want you to know something in the event it gets out. I mean, I don't want you to hear it from someone that doesn't know anything."

"Enough! What is it? Tell me," he straightened his posture. She was not patient and despite her size she scared the hell out of him.

"Jacqueline filed for divorce."

Jane's jaw dropped and her heart was in her throat. She couldn't find her voice for several seconds.

"You mean Ian," she said.

"I meant what I said. She filed the papers. She is asking him for a divorce."

Mind spinning, Jane didn't know what to say to him. She and Andrew weren't close enough for her to cry or even express herself.

"I know the two of you were…" he stopped when he saw her cringe at the 'were' part.

She nodded, sadly.

"I don't know the details. As far as I can tell, it was sudden, but not unexpected. It seems amicable. That's speculation of course," he knew she was listening to every word and he wanted to be as clear as possible.

Despite being terrified of Jane Sloan, Andrew liked her. He respected her as a writer and he envied the friendship she had with Kat and Sutton.

"Thank you, Andrew."

He unlocked the door, realizing it hadn't been necessary. He hadn't wanted someone to walk in while he was talking about the editor. He also wasn't sure what Jane's reaction would be. She seemed to be surprised and confused, but she hadn't had a visibly emotional reaction.

"You're welcome," he said.

Andrew turned and left her. She sat there stunned.

_Fashion closet. Please. _She group messaged her friends and they arrived quickly. But not quick enough to prevent her from letting loose a few tears.

"What's up?" Kat walked in and her smile was immediately wiped from her face. "Are you okay?"

Sutton walked in.

"Oh my, what happened?" Sutton moved to sit next to Jane.

"Jacqueline filed for divorce," Jane didn't elaborate.

"Jacqueline? Not Ian?" Kat furrowed her brow.

"That's what I asked."

"Wait. Did Jacqueline tell you? I thought you hadn't talked," Sutton was confused.

"It was Andrew. He pulled me in here to tell me so I wouldn't learn from who knows who if the information were to get out," she explained.

"Andrew?" Kat and Sutton said simultaneously.

"I know!"

"You're going to have to talk to her, Jane. You can't end it like this," Kat had changed her tune since the beginning of all of this. She had come to like the idea of Jane and Jacqueline and was now sad about the entire situation.

"What do I say? 'So I heard you're getting a divorce. What's up with that?'" Jane's sarcasm was darker than usual.

"Ask her if she's okay. This can't be easy for her. You don't have to ask why she did it or if you were the reason," Sutton added.

"Of course I was the reason! She spent the night. She didn't go home to her husband. That wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in the picture!" Jane angrily said.

"Hey, hey," Kat knelt in front of Jane, taking her hands. "This is why you can't end it like this. You have to talk to her. You'll spend the rest of your life, particularly your time working for her at _Scarlet_ wondering, Jane."

"You're right."

"Why don't we try to drag people out of the office tonight for drinks and karaoke? That'll clear out the office and you can speak to Jacqueline without prying eyes," Sutton offered.

"And miss karaoke?" Jane pouted.

"If it goes well or if it doesn't, you can join us after. There are plenty of angry songs and sad songs," Kat said.

"Thank you, guys," Jane was choked up saying it.

"We'd do anything for you, Tiny Jane," Sutton kissed the top of her head and Kat rubbed her knees.

"I love you both."

The three of them sat there until Oliver popped in and they had to go back to work.

…

"Jacqueline?" Jane stood in the doorway, trying not to hold her breath.

"Hi, Jane," she looked up and Jane noticed how tired she looked.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Looking to the door, silently asking Jane to protect their privacy by closing it. Kat and Sutton had been successful in getting most of the employees out of the bullpen, but there were a few who resisted. Reading her boss with ease, she closed the door and walked in. She sat across the desk from Jacqueline as she had often in the days before, well, before they'd held each other.

The writer was tense, unsure of how to proceed though she knew she had to. Her throat was dry again; it seemed to be a side effect of being in this woman's presence.

"I…" she delayed. "I know."

Sighing heavily, the blonde tipped her head back, relaxing her weight into the chair. Not having to inform Jane that she was divorcing Ian lifted a weight off her shoulders.

"I was confused at first. But the more I thought about it today the more I realized it wasn't that night you stayed."

Sitting forward and looking at Jane with tears in her eyes, Jacqueline appeared broken. Jane wanted to hold her, to tell her she would be okay. That wasn't her place anymore. It would further complicate an entirely fucked up situation.

"No, it wasn't," she said quietly.

Jane rubbed her hands together; fidgeting put her anxious energy somewhere other than her mind and mouth.

"The night in the park," Jane's voice cracked with emotion. "You pulled me against you and didn't let go."

Nodding, a few tears fell down Jacqueline's cheeks, her irises turning a bright blue with the sheen of tears. Jane didn't say anything. What was there to say?

"It felt like forever," the woman's voice broke and the tears fell faster.

"Jac…" Jane stood and rounded the desk. She suddenly remembered where they were and cursed the glass walls that had given her the privilege of watching her boss for years, but in this moment prevented her from exhibiting comfort.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm sorry this fell apart. I'm sorry I fucked everything up."

What Jacqueline still wouldn't say was that she had fallen in love with Jane and it had made her act impulsively and without consideration for the immediate consequences. It was unlike her. Love made her act irrationally. Telling Jane now would only cause the girl even more heartbreak. She hoped that Jane would one day think about their short time together fondly. Right now that was insufferable.

"You once told me to not apologize because I had nothing to apologize for. You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone does, it's me. I brought this to your life," Jane's tone was firm. She meant what she said and she hoped Jacqueline would one day stop blaming herself. One day she would reminisce about this time and be grateful it lasted for as long as it did. It had always been improbable.

The blonde reached out a hand to hold Jane's briefly. The touch burned straight to their souls.

"I'm going to go home," Jane couldn't stand this conversation a second longer.

Letting go of the writer's hand, Jacqueline was unable to decide on the right thing to say.

"Goodnight, Jane."

And Jane walked away.

_To be continued…_

[Song inspiration: "What a Time" by Julia Michaels]


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's note: I apologize for the delay. I wanted to get this right. Thanks for your patience. -dkc_

_Are you available tonight?_ the text read.

Jane stopped what she was doing and stared at the phone. Given how her last two one-on-one interactions had gone with the woman, including the night she had spent drinking with Jacqueline in the office and her brutal honesty had hurt the woman badly, she couldn't believe she was getting a text.

_Yes?_ she finally responded.

_Four Seasons, east 57th. 8:00?_

"What the actual fuck?" Jane blurted out.

Sutton turned round and raised an eyebrow at her friend from the living room couch. Seated in the kitchen, Jane was still staring at her phone.

"Jane?" Sutton asked.

Getting up and taking her phone to Sutton, she handed it over without saying anything.

"The Four Seasons?!" she shouted. "She wants you to meet her at a hotel?"

"I have no idea where this is coming from. I was terrible to her. I behaved like a child. A drunken child. I took responsibility for blowing up her life."

"You're the size of a child," Sutton snickered and received a pillow to her face.

"Hey, you're the one who said you were a child!"

"Sut..." Jane turned serious. "I don't know how to do this."

Sutton put the phone down and opened her arms to Jane. The brunette collapsed on the couch, letting her friend wrap her up.

"Do you not want to go?" she asked.

"If I don't, I will wonder. But I have no idea what to expect."

"Honey, it's Jacqueline. She isn't going to ambush you. You trust her. You..." Sutton stopped herself.

"What?" Jane sat up.

"You love her. I know that it's complicated. God, I know it. We are all complicated. Love is messy. You have been vibrating with energy since all of this started. Even now you are different. You're heartbroken, yes. But Jane I've known you long enough to know you don't get heartbroken over just anyone. There was no heartbreak after Ryan or Ben. This is different."

"It killed me to sleep with her knowing it was over. I won't do that again," Jane wiped tears from her eyes. She heard everything Sutton said and didn't feel a need to respond to it all. She didn't want to say she loved Jacqueline. She still couldn't. "What if that's what she wants?"

"You know better than that. She is not emotionless, Jane," Sutton chided her. "Have you not noticed her the last few days? She can't possibly be sleeping. She's heartbroken, too."

"Her marriage is ending, Sut."

"Look at me and listen very carefully because I'm only going to say this once," Sutton waited until she knew her friend was taking in what was being said. "She loves you. If you can't see that, then you have other issues we need to address. I know you see it, though. Do you think Jacqueline would have taken this leap into the unknown without love pushing her?"

Tears were now streaming down Jane's cheeks. Sutton wasn't wrong.

"Come here," Sutton pulled her tight, letting her cry. "What are you going to do?"

"Go," she said through tears.

"Can I help you choose what you're going to wear?" the blonde was unable to hide her glee at the thought.

"I wouldn't go if you didn't."

...

Jane stood outside the hotel room door in the sleeveless belted trench dress Sutton had picked out for her. It was short enough to show off her legs, as most of her wardrobe did, but not so short as to appear she had come with expectations. She had no expectations. She had absolutely no idea why she had been asked here.

She finally raised her hand and knocked.

"Jane," Jacqueline opened the door barefoot. "Come in."

Stepping into what she soon realized was a suite, Jane looked around and noticed several items of Jacqueline's. It was readily apparent that this is where the woman was staying. That realization made her heart sink.

"Would you like something to drink?" the blonde had followed Jane's eyes around the room and was awaiting comment.

"Why am I here, Jacqueline?" she was impatient and floundering.

Looking at Jane reminded the older woman of a dream she'd had the night before. Her heart had been racing when she woke. It may have been a nightmare. She'd been trying to talk to Jane, but there was no sound. She tried screaming to no avail.

"Can we talk?" she motioned for Jane to sit on the plush sofa.

Unable to relax, Jane sat awkwardly and became tense when Jacqueline joined her. She had no idea where this was going and it scared the hell out of her. She didn't know if her nerves would make her say everything or nothing at all.

"God, I don't even know where to begin," Jacqueline ran a hand through her blonde waves. She was fighting the urge to tell Jane how much she had been missing her. What would it accomplish? That wasn't the place to lead from. "I should have talked to you about everything. I should have told you about my marriage. You shouldn't have had to learn about my filing papers from anyone else. But most of all I never should have let this end…without sitting down with you and telling you why."

The way the woman had paused at 'never should have let this end' made Jane's pulse race. She may not have had expectations when she arrived, but some part of her still had hope. She had hope that their time together would not be bookended by such heartache. She had hope that Jacqueline would give her the chance to talk her out of it.

Jacqueline's eyes were glistening by the time she took a breath. She looked to Jane to know if she should stop or if she could continue.

"I should have been a better person, a better..." Jacqueline had no idea how to label what she had been ever briefly to Jane. Boss? Friend? Lover? Girlfriend? It had been too brief to define.

The writer waited for a label to be placed on their relationship and it never came.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jane stared at her hands.

Turning even further toward the brunette, Jacqueline noticed the flinch as Jane's thigh was touched by the blonde's knee. It hurt deeply.

"Did you think I was going to run?" she whispered. "Did you not tell me what you were thinking about the future of your marriage because you thought it was too much and I would run?"

A sputtering exhale and then silence followed, suggesting Jacqueline was choosing her words carefully not that she was at a loss for the answer.

"I didn't want you to feel trapped," ignoring the earlier flinch the older woman put her hand over Jane's. "How I feel about you is complicated and scary. It's hard enough for me to grapple with. You were under no obligation to go down that road with me."

Jane heard every word out of Jacqueline's mouth, but she fixated on the present tense utilized. 'Feel about you' is a different animal than 'felt about you.'

"Whatever road you needed to go down, I would have followed you," she paused and put her other hand on top of Jacqueline's. "Whatever road you need to go down, I will follow you."

Tears fell down the editor's cheeks and she couldn't look at Jane. She had messed up badly. She had handled all of this poorly. Despite having spent her entire life in the communications and media industry, her ability to communicate recently had been severely compromised. Jane had left her indecisive and strangely introverted. Everything she had been feeling was overwhelming, crippling so, and the way she had handled it was by not talking about those feelings.

"Jane..." she sighed.

"Please," the girl was begging. "You do not owe me an apology. You do not get to carry all of the responsibility. We did this together remember? We jumped in together and we washed out together. We should have talked about it, yes. But this isn't on you and you alone."

The vein at the side of Jane's neck was visible, her jaw clenched.

"I miss you," Jacqueline breathed.

The younger woman's stomach did a flip and tears fell down her own cheeks, a drop landing on their hands.

"I need to know everything," the writer asked this knowing that some of it would surely hurt. She didn't care. She had spent too many nights lying awake staring at the ceiling thinking about this woman. If they were done, that didn't mean her night's lying awake were over. Jacqueline Carlyle isn't a woman you get over. No, she leaves a lifelong impression.

"My marriage was simple. Our routines were set, our life easy. Ian is a good man."

Jane felt terrible as Jacqueline said this. She knew she had hurt Ian, too. And she genuinely liked him. Whether or not he knew with whom Jacqueline was having an affair, she didn't know. Truthfully, Jane was of two minds. If Jacqueline hadn't told him, maybe it was to protect Jane or to shield her from fallout. If she had told him, maybe it was to hurt him further because Jane was his polar opposite.

"I had always wondered what it said about my marriage that I could be so hopelessly drawn to you. Long before you and I talked about our attraction I had considered this. And then when I was willing to grab your hand and take that leap into the unknown, I knew exactly what it said about my marriage. No matter how charming, beautiful and brilliant you are, I wouldn't have jumped if there hadn't been cracks."

The way Jacqueline's hair shined under the chandelier and the way her blue eyes always lightened with tears left her more gorgeous than Jane could ever remember her. And yet she was tired, surely stressed and her heart was clearly broken for more than one reason.

"Does he know its me?" Jane whispered.

Jacqueline shook her head emphatically.

"When all of this started you were showing up early and staying late at the office. You hadn't been sleeping much. Ian?" the writer asked.

"Yes." The rush of air Jacqueline released was in some ways lifting a weight from her. She had refrained from telling Jane any of this because she didn't want Jane to think she was attracted to her and making these decisions for any reason associated with her dying marriage.

"I've missed you, too," Jane sighed as she wiped her wet cheek with the back of her hand. "It hurts to see you here, to know why."

"My marriage broke long before you, darling. I chose this. And this," she looked around the room, "is only temporary while we make arrangements for the boys."

"What do you need from me? I will give you as much space as you need. I will hold you up when you can no longer stand. I've told you before that I will go somewhere else to make work less of an issue, now more so than before when I offered," Jane asked.

Putting an arm on the back of the couch, her fingers unable to stop themselves from touching Jane's straight brown hair, Jacqueline noted the way Jane's eyelids fluttered shut only to slowly open.

"And if I don't want space and I don't want you to go anywhere else?" Jacqueline's voice was low and soft, Jane's breathing quickened. "If you left _Scarlet_ because of me, it would kill me, but if you left _Scarlet_ for us, I would eventually follow."

Fingers that had been touching Jane's hair were now on the back of her neck. The gentle pressure seemed to be asking a question. Leaning toward the blonde, tears were now streaming down Jane's face. Jacqueline's hand had gripped her petite shoulders.

"How does this work?" Jane whispered in fear.

"We take it slowly," the older woman was attempting to reassure herself as much as Jane. "It can be whatever we want it to be and we get to choose what we don't want it to be."

This was the first time since Jane had recognized what she was feeling for her boss that she could see a time when neither Jacqueline's position nor her marriage would be calling the shots in their relationship.

"And if I stay at _Scarlet_?" her dark eyes held contact.

"We'll figure it out. You can answer to Lauren or, if we get a new digital editor, I can put you on digital full time."

Jane let out a shaky breath.

"But you make me a good writer. It's you that I work my ass off for!" she now had tears of anger. "Is that what the choice is? Be with you or write for you? Because I find that to be a really shitty choice."

"Jane?" she smiled. "Take a breath for me."

Doing as she was told, the writer felt how wound tight she had become and welcomed the relief that came with a deep breath. Her eyes darkened before fixing on Jacqueline.

"You're serious?" she still doubted. "Please, Jac."

Understanding the fear in Jane's tone, she gripped the back of the girl's neck, slid closer and pulled her into a heated kiss. What Jacqueline was doing with her tongue eventually pried the younger woman's attention away from her own fear. When she began responding fully, Jane was all in. Her own hands were in blonde waves. The kiss was like starlight, light rising from a place of infinite darkness.

When they broke for breath, Jane's tears had turned into a whimper and then sobs. Jacqueline held her and let her cry. The blonde's own face was soon damp with tears.

"I didn't think I'd ever kiss you again," the words came out in fits and starts as she tried to rein in her tears.

"I didn't think you'd ever look at me the way you have—with such admiration, attraction and affection—again," Jacqueline murmured as she placed a kiss above Jane's ear.

"And love," the brunette looked deeply at the woman she had fallen so ridiculously in love with.

Jacqueline raised her eyebrow in response to the statement. This was a look Jane had come to expect. It was as predictable as the sunrise. Though this time instead of asking a question, as it often did, that perfect eyebrow was forewarning Jane.

"I should have told you sooner," Jacqueline shook her head.

"Told me what?" came the timid reply.

"That I love you."

It was Jane's turn to shake her head. For the first time a smile touched her face and she stopped doubting what was transpiring.

"This better never turn up in an article," the editor baited.

"Don't send me dirty pictures and then break up with me." Jane took the bait.

"Oh, that will never happen," Jacqueline said before kissing Jane beneath her ear, making the young woman moan.

"Which?" she hummed.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

…

Walking into the apartment, Jane found Kat and Sutton sitting on the couch like parents waiting up for a child who had missed curfew.

"What are you doing here, Kat?" Jane played dumb.

Both girls were on the edge of their seats.

"How was the Four Seasons?" Sutton teased. She could tell from Jane's face that she didn't need to be gentle. There were signs of prior tears, but Jane appeared lighter than she had in days.

"Is there wine?" Jane smiled.

Kat got up and poured her friend a glass.

"Spill, babe," Kat refused to hand over the glass until Jane started talking.

"I told her," she rolled her eyes and Sutton squealed.

"Told her what? What did I miss?" Kat was clueless.

"I told Jacqueline that I love her. I told her that I miss her."

Kat's jaw was on the ground and Sutton had a giant grin on her face.

"And?" the blonde pressed.

The writer blushed and looked at the floor.

"You didn't!" Kat accused.

Shaking her head as she sipped her wine, Jane would have liked to say that magic happened in the bedroom at the Four Seasons, but it would have been too much given the weight of their talk and the intense feelings that came from talking about a future—their future.

"We're taking it slow."

Sutton stood from the couch and wrapped her arms around her small friend. Kat couldn't resist joining the hug.

Both girls were extremely relieved that Jane didn't go to that hotel room to have her heart broken all over again. They were also relieved that they wouldn't have to suffer through more of the mopey Jane of late. The question of how everyone would interact with the boss remained in the air. Like Jane's relationship with Jacqueline, they would take it slowly.

"Guys, I'm exhausted," she said, though muffled by an arm on her chin.

As she broke from the suffocating hug, Jane finished her glass of wine and headed for her bedroom.

"We're joining," Kat said as she walked into the bedroom behind Jane.

They were too happy for their friend to leave her alone.

_To be continued…_

[Song inspiration: "Never Let You Go" by Ron Pope]


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's note: I apologize for the long delay. I hope this conclusion satisfies. Confession: I might be slightly obsessed with Melora Hardin in aviators. -dkc_

When Jacqueline Carlyle walked into a room the world stopped. When she barked out an order her staff jumped to oblige. It was unmistakably sexy the way she commanded a room.

Jane felt a nudge and realized she was gawking. Kat was laughing under her breath.

In an exceptionally tight leather skirt, the blonde was showing off every last inch of her legs. And they were glorious.

Taking a deep breath and a seat at her desk, the writer prepared herself for the morning meeting. If she had stayed the night at Jacqueline's she would have seen that tight black leather sliding up those seductive legs. This was certainly not the thought to be having minutes before a meeting. She hadn't spent the night after they had talked. And not spending the night felt okay—for both of them.

"Good morning!" Jacqueline was beaming as she continued her path through the bullpen. Her staff hadn't seen her chipper in days. Many sets of eyes followed the boss until she reached her office.

The writer had pulled her phone out of her bag and typed out a message. She was quite glad Kat had left her and was not reading over her shoulder.

_You are a masterpiece in that skirt. _

She watched as her boss picked up her phone, clicked, smiled and then glanced the way of its sender. Jacqueline was confident. She was not arrogant. However, the grin Jane received was decidedly cocky. She wanted to laugh aloud, but instead muttered under her breath as she resumed reviewing notes for her latest article pitch.

"It's time," Jacqueline announced as she walked out her door and the few strides to the conference room door, Andrew in tow with coffee and her iPad.

The writers gathered in the conference room. Usually their first pitch meeting for an issue would exclude editors as it was more or less a brainstorming session. However, this meeting included writers, editors, photographers, department heads and the entire social media team. Everyone seemed a bit confused by the number of people packed into the conference room, but the confident woman at the head of the table had no such qualms.

"'Let's talk about sex, baby,'" the editor-in-chief was obviously quoting the great philosophers of spice, but using _that_ to open the meeting upended Jane's stomach. She couldn't look up. "The hookup apps issue was fantastic. Great work everyone."

The brunette was still avoiding eye contact. It was her contribution to this particular _Scarlet_ issue that put the train on the track—the sometimes runaway, sometimes derailed train that was her affair with Jacqueline. It occurred to her right then that it was no longer an affair, at least not of the extramarital variety. Of all the feelings in her stomach at that moment, the pit that had existed there for some time was missing.

"Before I hear your pitches for the sex positivity issue, we need to address something. It's time we find balance between digital and print. This week I want to meet with each of you writers one-on-one. You each bring different talents and perspectives that draw readers. It's time we address this head on. Some of you have great stats, but let's try to sort out whether it's because of your lane. Sage, for example, has a popular column for obvious reasons. Men and women like to read about sex. Some of you have stats that reflect a certain piece's popularity. Jane's orgasm—" Jacqueline's sentence was interrupted by Jane choking on her coffee at the very word 'orgasm' coming out of the mouth of the woman with considerable skills at coaxing actual orgasms out of the writer. Jacqueline may have had a similar thought because her hand seemed to have clamped down on the table's edge for dear life. "—article was popular while her gun article wasn't. Alex hit _Scarlet_ records when he wrote about the travails of young men looking for friends in the city. We all know how well his attempt at understanding why women would want to join a women-only gym went."

Everyone around the table laughed. _Scarlet_ was still receiving feedback about how clueless Alex was.

"Ha-ha-ha," Alex rolled his eyes.

While the staff was focused on Alex, Jacqueline looked at Jane and offered a terse, but knowing smile. The boss's mind had indeed gone to a similar place with her mention of the orgasm piece. She loved that it had caught Jane off guard. Jacqueline was Jane's weakness and the same could be said for the older woman. Jane had unnerved her from day one.

"Jane, you will submit to me. Not to Lauren. Not to our, as of now, unnamed digital editor. That was a mistake. You're mine," the boss said, leaving the writer speechless. She was barely able to refrain from turning into one of those cartoon characters whose tongue rolls out like a red carpet as their eyes bug out of their head.

Jaqueline didn't lose a beat as she continued on with commentary on digital and the coming issue. After a brief silence the editor-in-chief clapped her hands once.

"Alright, people. Questions? No?" she looked around. "Let's meet one-on-one before the end of the day. In my office."

Taking her iPad from Andrew without so much as looking at him, the editor exited the room with her next task already garnering her attention. A certain writer's attention, however, was incapable of attaching itself to anything but that leather skirt as it accentuated stunning curves that she had begun to memorize both with her mind and in the dark with her hands.

Jacqueline really was a masterpiece.

...

Knowing she was now writing specifically for Jacqueline had left Jane with a terrible case of writer's block.

Writing for Jacqueline was not the same as writing for anyone else. Jane didn't care what Lauren thought of her. She never had. She had always cared what Jacqueline thought of her. She cared what she thought of her before she was even writing for her. How much she cared what Jacqueline Carlyle thought of her became a monster when Jane became a writer under her. It killed her when she chose to leave _Scarlet_. She didn't care what people thought of her flame out at _Incite_ or why she had ended up there in the first place. But when she started having feelings for Jacqueline or at least was looking at her boss in a different light, she really cared what the editor thought of her. Now Jane existed in a place where she couldn't believe there was a second chance before her, both to write directly for Jacqueline again—she still believed herself to be the reason Jacqueline was fired from digital—and to have something personal with her boss again. What that might become, she had no idea. The possibilities made her entire body tingle.

She stared at her monitor willing words to appear. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard.

"Struggling writing for someone other than the wunderkind?" she looked up at Alex who had a smirk on his face.

"Hardly," Jane gave him a look that made him laugh.

"Ah, I know what it is," he leaned against her desk. "You're under the Carlyle spell."

"And what is that? A spell of fear and intimidation?" Jane said.

Tilting his head and placing a hand on her wrist, Alex had a face that was empathetic and often sly.

"You're living your dream, Jane. Dreaming your dream, even. And you know I'm not talking about writing for _Scarlet_."

Jane went completely still when he winked at her. She was glancing at her fingertips on the keyboard. She looked up and saw something reflected in his dark eyes that was reassuring and safe. He knew her secret and there was nothing to worry about.

'Thanks, Alex," she smiled bashfully.

"If I might make a suggestion?" he said. "Start at the beginning. Write what you know and remember your audience is young women. Not a certain editor."

Alex showed her that gorgeous smile of his and left her to stare at her monitor.

…

Jane stood in the hotel lobby with a perfect view as Jacqueline stepped out of her town car, taking the valet's offered hand. She was in impossibly high heels and yet remained as poised and balanced as if she were barefoot. She offered the valet a smile, a smile Jane could see from her angle, but the reaction to which she couldn't see. She would have liked to see the guy's face. Jacqueline had a way about her that left those around her offering up silent prayers that they wouldn't make a fool of themselves in her presence.

Jacqueline walked through the doors of the Four Seasons, her aviators still on as she nodded at the concierge. She stopped moving entirely when she saw Jane. Jane, who was holding a bouquet of long-stemmed roses that were nearly as big as she was, stood in the middle of the space with her eyes on the blonde. The multicolored bouquet was breathtaking, but the woman holding it made Jacqueline wonder what she had done right in her life to have found Jane.

She slowly slipped off her aviators and nervously put the end of one arm into her mouth where she toyed with it.

"Hi," Jane smiled.

This made Jacqueline melt. Folding the sunglasses and dropping them into her bag, she stepped forward, placed a hand on Jane's hip and leaned in. Fully expecting a kiss on the cheek, the writer was taken aback when Jacqueline planted a firm kiss on her mouth. They nearly smashed the bouquet between their bodies. She seemed not at all concerned with the eyes on them as people entered and exited the hotel.

"You, my dear, are my greatest weakness," she whispered to Jane before taking her by the hand and leading her to the elevator.

They stood hand in hand in the elevator without ever once glancing at the other. Jane had an absurd smile on her face while Jacqueline was playing it cool. When they reached Jacqueline's suite the flowers were handed over, inspected appreciatively and then placed on the small console table.

"Water?" Jane wondered. She should have got a bouquet with a vase, but the thought hadn't occurred to her.

"They'll be okay for a bit," Jacqueline had dropped her bag and was now totally absorbed in Jane. "Come here."

Jane needn't be told twice. She stepped forward and was wrapped into a warm embrace. It had only been the night before when she arrived here with no clue as to the reason and no hope for a future with this woman. It hadn't been twenty-four hours since she outright sobbed in Jacqueline's arms. The thought that she might have lived the rest of her life without ever finding this kind of love, desire and comfort made her grateful for whatever it was in her application that brought her to _Scarlet_.

"This skirt is not safe for work," Jane hummed as her hands slipped lower on Jacqueline's hips.

"Oh?" Jacqueline's mouth was near Jane's ear, the vibration of the question tickling the lobe.

"God, your legs look amazing in it."

Jacqueline's mouth latched onto Jane's earlobe and went to work showering it with attention. A deep, needy moan escaped the brunette's lips.

"Jac," she breathed.

The taller woman reached a hand out and swept dark strands of hair back behind the very ear her lips had been assaulting. It was in these little things Jacqueline did that Jane found the most beauty. Taking that hand, encircling it with her own, Jane led Jacqueline to what she knew must be the bedroom.

Standing before her, Jacqueline was an offering for Jane. She unzipped her own skirt, slipping down her tantalizing legs. Stepping out of her heels, Jane could feel her armor dropping. Once in nothing but her intimate items, Jacqueline's body was examined from every angle. The eyes on her were wet with happiness.

It wasn't long before they were naked in the hotel bed. Getting out of that bed would be easier said than done.

-_finis_-


End file.
